27 December 2002

The Drinky McDumbAss Modus Operandi

I am not going to give this hodge-podge of corpo-weasel directives the status of a ‘Doctrine’, like the Conservative Media TM is now trying to do. It is very doubtful that many people outside the Gestapo BFEE will even get to read it; this puppy will probably be buried farther down than the Cheney Energy Task Force meeting minutes. But this, ladies and gentlemen, this marks the dawn of a frightening era. No longer can you feel safe travelling abroad – some other dictatorship (besides the good ol’ US of A) will decide to pre-emptively take some hostages if they feel threatened by Smirky McWarhardon. And of course, those poor unfortunates will be (in military-speak) collateral damage. Which will do them no good as they are languishing in some dungeon for the rest of their lives. Now that the Shrubster has declared that AmeriKKKKa will strike first, others will feel justified in doing so too. Of course, that will not sit well with pResident Do-As-I-Say, Not-As-I-Do. And he has so many of those nookular toys to throw around the world. That won’t do you or I much good – unless you happen to be building an underground bunker in your huge tax-dollar supported residence. Pencil Dick will have nothing to worry about, unless the EMP shorts out his pacemaker…

But let’s focus on the upcoming pre-emptive military action against Iraq. We wouldn’t want to be reminded that the economy is in the crapper. The Media Whores are busily trying to spin the situation so we won’t worry about it. Tomorrow, over 750,000 people will be cut from the unenjoyment rolls. Why don’t you ask one of them how their lives are going? And if they think they are not paying their fair share of taxes?

We also wouldn’t want to hear about the card-carrying member of the God Squad that just got appointed to the FDA’s panel on women’s health. Or the partisan political questions the junta is asking scientists who are being considered for government advisory panels. Or the ethnic cleansing fabricated ‘drug raid’ in Tulia back when pResident Cokehead was still gub’ner of Tax-Ass.

Finally, here at the Funny Farm, we would like to take a moment and sing the praises of the late Joe Strummer of the Clash. Everyone is running their favourite lyrics from these guys, but it seems nobody remembers my favourite. So here it is:

This is a public service announcement…
With guitar!
Know your rights - all three of them

Number 1
You have the right not to be killed
Murder is a CRIME!
Unless it is done
By a Policeman
Or an aristocrat
Know your rights

And Number 2
You have the right to food money
Providing of course
You don't mind a little
And if you cross your fingers

Know your rights
These are your rights

Know these rights

Number 3
You have the right to Free Speech
As long as
You're not dumb enough
To actually try it!

Know your rights
These are your rights
All three of 'em
And it has been suggested
In some quarters
That this is not enough!

26 December 2002

Happy New Year!

Today is AfterYule Day in the Hobbit Calendar (New Year’s Day in the Midling Calendar, too!). Before I start in with another rant, I would just like to say that it has been a very interesting year here at the Funny Farm. Early on this year. a couple of close friends decided to eliminate our friendships from their lives. Then I found out that my aunt, who I have always respected immensely, was a card-carrying Repugnicant – and worse yet, a willfully ignorant one. Things were looking fairly grim around June or so. The only bright light was a new (for me) website called BartCop. Which led to BuzzFlash, Gene Lyons, the Daily Brew, Ann Slanders, and so many more.

Then Allyson came into my life. Somebody who I could talk to – and who wanted to listen to me from time to time. I was getting into BartFest preparations, and she was interested in going! Well… she was mainly interested in going to Vegas. But, she was also interested in getting to know me better – even though she was coming off of her second divorce, and wasn’t particularly interested in a relationship. We managed to take a 10 day vacation together after only knowing each other for a couple of months. And we are still talking to each other to this day! I know some people who have been married for over ten years who would have called it quits after the stresses we endured on that journey…

The Funny Farm became another dot on the blogspot map shortly after the junta rigged the (s)election again this November. I have managed to keep on finding things to write about on an almost daily basis. And, people have actually read some of it. And told me that I am making sense from time to time! Will wonders never cease…

Ally and I just went through an amazing Christmas together – my best in a long while. The major bummer was not being able to get to Toronto to see all my friends up in the Big Smoke. Mark, Nathalie, Alia, Maya, Sonya, Adrya, and Nadya – and Joe, Heather, Aaron, David, Rebecca, and Mika : I wish you all the happiest of holidays, and I wish I had the time to get up to your neck of the woods. (sigh) It doesn’t look good in the near future, either… The other sad note was to hear that my good friend Doug, having spent three fabulous months travelling around western Canada, had his second heart attack just before Christmas. I wish you well, my friend, and hope your recovery is swift and your health improves in the coming years.

Anyways,… I just wanted to recap last year’s exciting journey, and wish one and all a happy and safe 2003! Take care…

23 December 2002

Thoughts from the Last Week of the Year

- Just one short dance on the grave (to make sure nothing rises out of it):
[To the tune of Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead]
Hey-ho, Trent Lott will go
Knifed in the back, by Rove the hack
Hey-ho, the racist Lott will go

What’s that under the sheet?
Looks a lot, Like Repug feet
What’s that hiding under the sheet?

Okay,… that’s enough. Since I wrote this, the Conservative MediaTM has managed to turn this in to a Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy.

- This cretin’s departure from the upper rungs of power was brought about (at least indirectly) by the weblog community. In particular, Tom Tomorrow’s This Modern World seems to be at the front of the pack for this coup. Grasping the two-edged sword, does this mean that the blogging community is now a force to reckoned with (the last of the truly independent media), or does this mean that, now that bloggers have been noticed, they will shortly be squashed like bugs? Only time will tell… but recent events suggest that the feds are becoming interested in tapping anyone who uses the Net.

- The Drinky McDumbAss News Suppression Policy of waiting until late Friday to announce Things They Don’t Want People to Notice could actually be a good thing for bloggers. They’re the only ones who pay attention – by then, Faux, The Conservative News Network, and the rest of the Media Whores have digested their propaganda directives. In the eyes of the news conglomerates, nothing of consequence will be happening until Monday morning. As per BabyDoc policy – after all, by then he’s gone away for the weekend. It better be important if he gets called back in to work after he’s started the weekend bender… and non-BFEE business is by definition not important. So bloggers get to chew on the breaking news all weekend. And, as recent events have shown, occasionally this works its way into the mainstream.

- Take Back the Media is blazing the way with a lot of fascinating stories that you probably won’t find out about from the Media Whores. Plus, to top it all off, they have a very nice Flash presentation listing the highlights of the junta’s machinations in 2002. Go read them all. But make sure you’re sitting down first…

One more thing, and then I’ll get down off this frelling soapbox until next year (which is Boxing Day - in the Hobbit Calendar, of course – the rest of you folks don’t start for a week after that, but here at the Funny Farm we are going to be partying for a fortnight. Woo-hoo!): the latest to come to light on the INS detentions is that the detainees are being treated like crap. The weblog at Eschaton sums it up best:
Look folks - imagine you're dealing with your DMV. Imagine Flunky #1 messes up your driver's license application and tells you to come down to the office. Then, when you do go down to the office as requested Flunky #2 notices you drove there AND you don't have your driver's license (because, well, they screwed up your application). Flunky #2's boss recently decided they now had a no-tolerance policy on such things and he has you arrested and thrown in jail.

Then, of course it doesn't stop there. The special DMV judge operates his own special DMV court which has its own rules. Speedy trial? Nah. You could be there awhile. Who will support your family? Who knows. Chances for appeal? Not really.

The DMV judge deports you back to a country you haven't lived in for 10-15 years. Your American children wave goodbye, as does your wife.