Around the Blogsphere in 80 Minutes

Well, I wanted to point out to you that, even though the Media Whore Drinky McDumbAss Coronation Tour has shamelessly distorted the unemployment and GDP figures, Wall Street and others in the know don’t seem to be buying the BS any more. But Kos, Atrios, and a few of the usual suspects have talked about this much better than I can hope to. So perhaps you can take a look at what they have to say.

Taking a quick trip around the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan leads me to recommend the following posts from some of our favorite bloggers:

Nurse Ratched’s Notebook gives us yet another good candidate for Governor of California (I still think I’d vote for Larry Flynt. Good thing I’m not living there, isn’t it?)

A Rational Animal informs us that Quisling Traficant is sullying (or is that Sullivanizing?) the Democratic Party again by running for President. I thought convicted felons weren’t allowed to be president? Oops – how could I forget about pRezNit DUI?

Folkbum celebrates five years of marital bliss - congrats to you both!

T. Rex’s Guide to Life shows us how the Democrats can win Florida in 2004 (but my fumble fingers can’t find out how to link to a post over there – D’oh!).

Prometheus 6 tells us that the universal translator could soon become a reality (gratuitous Star Trek reference).

Arms and the Man points to an article detailing the record breaking second quarter profits Halliburton is currently reporting (surprise!).

Blunted on Reality talks about a hip-hop violinist.

Democratic Veteran gushes over pResident Anal Lube’s fixation about gay marriage (cough cough distractingusfromrealissues cough cough).

Frog ‘n Blog posts about a Repugnicant Tax Court appointee who cheated on his tax returns.

Genfoods points us to an article about Homeland Security classifying all airline passengers by security risk. Gee, I wonder why I don’t want to fly? He also has no way of linking to individual posts that I could find – D’oh! – so you’ll have to scroll down past the burning Bush.

Apathy Inc. checks out a conservative DJ who isn’t making a whole lot of sense (surprise!).

Heller Mountain has a spiel about the plate of flaming crow that Stole Himself an Election should be eating upon his return from another month long vacation.

Ignatz tells us he would be a judge who used judgement.

Rook’s Rant says that his mom is going to vote for the Democrats for the first time in her life.

In a Dark Time discusses the poetry of Hart Crane. And has one hell of a series about Catch-22, too!

Notes on the Atrocities analyzes a new poll about religious beliefs and politics.

Out2Lunch tells us the real reason we’re suddenly interested in Liberia.

Totalitarianism Today reassures us fragile males that size isn’t everything. Unfortunately, we can’t link to that post directly (- or not; you have to read all of her journalistic expertise to get to this nugget).

Pandagon got possibly one of the weirdest pieces of spam email I’ve ever seen. Jesse also sets out his theory about Ronnie Ray-gun’s best ally in the Middle East (who also happens to be a personal friend one of the best henchmen of Don Rumsfeldo waaay back when).

Veiled4Allah leads us all to the Muslims for Kucinich web site.

Rantavation discusses which philosophers resemble pResident Pinhead most (he says Zoroaster. I think Hitler is a better match – but, hey, that’s just me).

Rush Limbaughtomy ties a few threads about the latest financial news together.

Sadly, No scares the crap out of us by letting us know that the Postal Service, that icon of efficiency, may be planning on tracking all of our mail and passing the results on to the Fatherland Homeland Security Department.

Mark Kleiman explains that he thinks the DARPA Terrorism commodities market wasn’t necessarily a bad idea (we disagree – I say that if any of those ‘experts’ were Repugnicants lacking a conscience, they could exploit the system by promoting terrorist activity - but he has pointed out a few details that aren’t commonly known)

Suburban Guerilla recites the Repugnicants Apostles Creed.

The Blowtorch Monkey Armada showed us some more Repugnicant hypocrisy (surprise!) as well as a link to another kewl site. But he needs to republish his archives before we can provide you with a direct link to this post.

Resource.full points out a story that shows that Mr. Never Worked a Day in His Life is not only a sinner, but a sanctimonious prick as well.

The Poison Kitchen announces the first recipient of the ‘Ari for a Day’ People’s Choice Award.

The ReachM High Cowboy Network Noose asks: Will the Dems be Divided and Conquered? We ask: can they be divided and conquered more than they already are?

You Live Your Life as if it’s Real shows us another Low Life Repugnicant at his Bible thumping best (some good satire based upon actual events).

Blah3 shows us another caller savaging Michael Wiener (all too easy to do it seems).

My brain hurts. Time to go now.

Just Wondering

Um, aren’t we supposed to be tackling a War on Terra, or trying to catch a couple of bad guys, or something?

Why is it that pRezNit Doofus can take another vacation for a month then?
Why is it that Stole Himself an Election can spend inordinate amounts of time fund raising? After already breaking the fundraising records of all previous sitting presidents? Isn't he, like, supposed to be running the country or something like that?
Why is it that pRezNit CEO can even worry about gay marriage? Isn’t this taking time away from his ‘agenda’?

It sure must be nice to be a snotty rich kid who never has to deal with reality...

Time to Tickle Your Funny Bone

I saw this somewhere else last night, but tbogg shows it to me again today. And it’s just as funny today as it was yesterday:

Attorney General John Ashcroft visited an elementary school to give a civics presentation. After he finished, he asked the young boys and girls, "Are there any questions?" Bobby raised his hand and said, "I have three questions. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? Are you using the Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? And why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden yet?" Just then, the bell rang and the teacher announced it was recess. Half an hour later, the children returned. Ashcroft said, "Let's start where we left off. Are there any more questions?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "Is it really legal to hold suspected terrorists without letting them talk to attorneys? Why did the recess bell go off 10 minutes early? And where the hell is Bobby?"

Dog and Pony Show at the White House

pResident Who Cares What You Think? stages a scripted event remarkably similar to a press conference. But without the penetrating questions, dogged persistence, and spontaneous responses we used to have when we actually had someone who was elected running the government. What a load of kimchee from the Clown in Chief.

Go read Kos’ take on the whole sorry affair. I can’t talk about it too much more without resorting to some of that strong language that we have studiously avoided here at the Funny Farm. This moron still hasn’t had a press conference as far as we’re concerned.

I guess that’s okay if you’re on a mission from God...

Mad Props to Mad Kane

Many moons ago, faithful readers, when I had no idea what an Ecosystem was, or even that I had others looking in on my first baby blogger steps, a lovely (at the very least on the inside – I think she’s pretty too, but that doesn’t mean as much to me as you might think) lady named Madeline Kane saw what I was doing, and put me up in her Notables blogroll. I stumbled onto it by some sort of Google reference search – just to see if anyone noticed me. And like the ignorant (defined in this situation as lacking in knowledge, as opposed to being rude about things) babe in the woods that I was then, I didn’t link to one of the few who saw a diamond in the rough before everyone else did. My mistake – which is about to be rectified.

Not only does this talented lady link to most of the best in her Notables page and update us all on what’s going on around the blogoshpere, she also manages to find the time to produce Dubya’s Dayly Diary. The only thing is, she sounds much too smart to be Mr. Never Worked a Day in His Life. Which is perfectly understandable – most require some form of lobotomization to get close to being that dumb. And then you have to fake that whole arrogant rich kid thing. That sort of stuff takes years of practice, and you never really get the hang of it unless you were born with a silver coke spoon up your nose. But we here at the Funny Farm have to award beaucoup points for her efforts.

So, to sum up: Mad Kane is a mad genius for being one of the first to recognize the mad skilz of the Funny Farm. She writes funny stuff, too. And points you to others’ good stuff. And their websites. As well as doing a smarter pRezNit Pinhead. Go visit her, and tell her the Funny Farm sent ya!

Voting in the Blogathon

I’m trying to do a little research, so’s I can have some informed judgement when selecting the best and brightest (cough) from the adventures of the weekend.

First of all, the sheer amount of material is slightly daunting. I’ve only checked out a half dozen of the contestants so far – and of course gotten sidetracked on a few of their adventures.

But, hey – at least one good thing has come of it: The Virtual Kitty. If only I had found it early Sunday morning! Now I have to stop playing with it and check out some more excellent blogging.

There will be more links added for some of the wonderful contestants (yes, Joni – I do mean you!) who helped the Blogathoners raise over one hundred thousand dollars for charity.

And, now I have a few more decks of Chickenhawk cards, and an extra copy of The Woman Who Wouldn’t Talk (did you think I wouldn’t keep one for myself?) – since I got no additional responses. For free stuff. And no additional pledges – so I’m stuck at $195. I guess that means that next year, I’ll have to do better and make it over the magical $200 mark. Frank is probably already writing an ode to us up in his Utility Muffin Research Kitchen in the Sky. And I’m going to listen to every cheesy sexual innuendo in it when I get to talk to him up in the Great Beyond.

Hey - maybe I still need to catch up on some sleep. Many updates will follow over the next few days. Consider yourselves warned...

Welcome to the Twilight Zone

I arrived home from my adventures on the weekend, feeling pretty good about everything. I mean, I looked over my posts during the Blogathon, and was surprised to see very few typos and formatting errors – especially considering that I was flying by the seat of my pants for most of the 24 hours. Nothing had been completed (some of the longer pieces were started, but none of them were completely done), and of course, even if they had been complete, I still had to format them so that Blogger would accept and nurture them, and then incorporate them into my blog. So, all in all, I was relatively content.

When I got in, I had received a number of messages while I was gone. The most important one was from my Ma, telling me that her sister (my aunt) has taken a turn for the worse, and is in the hospital. If you could, please take a moment and think some good thoughts about her getting well again on my behalf. I was also informed that one of the PCs I have recently helped my friends install has gone belly up. Hopefully I will be able to address that issue sometime this week as well. And one of my friends asked me if I had dropped off of the face of the earth. Obviously, he isn’t in the habit of reading this blog, otherwise he might have had half of a clue about my current activities.

But the biggest surprise was yet to come. I have a small business, registered here in Michigan. So far, my activities have centered on two areas: printing services (in order to produce the unique calendars that I offer to the general public), and biodiesel research and sales (to try and get a small production facility up, and produce biodiesel upon request). Let me just say that the small business, were it to be my only employment opportunity, would put me somewhere in the bottom half of the lowest percentile. The total income (before any expenses, and there are a lot of expenses in starting up a small business) for the two years the business has been on the books so far has been around $7,000. So, it obviously has not been my full time occupation. I haven’t even had enough time to figure out how to make it generate oodles of coin for yours truly. Working full time tends to have that sort of effect on most people.

So you can, hopefully, imagine the strain on my heart when I opened up a letter from the Michigan Department of Treasury, saying that my small business has some back taxes due. I have an accountant. One who specializes in small business tax accounting, as a matter of fact. She has informed me that, since the company is a Limited Liability Corporation, or LLC, that I could pay the business taxes along with my personal taxes, and everything would be just fine. Since the business is not making a profit as of yet (I have lost between $100 and $200 each year so far – no big deal as far as I was concerned), it was having a limited impact on my financial situation. All of which was okay with me.

Now for the kicker. For the honor of losing under $250, and having a small business of my very own, the state of Michigan wants me to pay back taxes in the amount of $61,017.54.

Let me repeat that: For the honor of losing under $250, and having a small business of my very own, the state of Michigan wants me to pay back taxes in the amount of $61,017.54.

I have no idea what can be done in this situation, other than to declare bankruptcy on the business. I have placed a call with my accountant, and I plan on contacting the bureaucrats in the Michigan Department of the Treasury. But I am completely at a loss to know how on earth these people came up with these figures. And I think that I should not really focus on this too much right now – I have been through somewhat of a stress-filled weekend already, and I'm not sure how much more I can handle.

Maybe you can direct some of those good thoughts my way, too, after you have karmically enhanced my aunt’s condition. I’m going to go off to the land of Nod for a while.

And, no, I haven’t forgotten about the prizes and such. You should be informed that there are still some available, if you know the right questions to answer and are capable of figuring out how to email me the answers. And you can get a book, too, if you know what to do. Sure, I could spoon feed you, but then that would mean to me that the Ditto Monkeys have won – and we can’t have that!

And, That’s a Wrap, Folks!

As promised, questions one, two, seven, nine, ten, eleven, and twelve, answered correctly before midnight tomorrow (Monday July 28, 2003) Eastern Daylight Time, gets you a deck of cards. And a pledge of $5 or more to the Funny Farm before the deadline gets you a copy of The Woman Who Wouldn’t Talk by Susan McDougal.

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Last tidbit of news for you to assimilate: Blah3 points us to the following story:

Tucsonans 'support the troops' by assaulting 67-year old Air Force Veteran. Because he was holding a sign which was mildly critical of the current American regime. I am awaiting confirmation on this one - which if true, would be a huge story should the Media Whores choose to pay attention to it.

I will keep you posted about this story as I get more information to pass along.

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I wish I would have had half a chance to see some of the other cool blogging going on over the course of the festivities. But I’m afraid I have barely had a chance to peek around the corner, relatively speaking, for the last couple of days. Trust me, I think I’ll be doing a lot of reading and not so much writing - so I’ll get to it eventually. Just not right now (sweet Koresh, please not right now!)

I have enjoyed the company of a lot of wonderful people over the last 24 hours. And managed to raise $200 in honor of one of the most brilliant artists of the last fifty years. He’s actually more of a renaissance man, being not only a musician but a technical guru and an innovative musical engineer who just happened to come up with the concept of digital recording. But that’s a story for another time.

For now, so long. Thanks to the many many good souls who came together for the good of others. In particular Jesse over at Pandagon and Barry over at Rush Limbaughtomy - the former for providing the inspiration, and the latter for providing the motivation, for my continuing this most excellent adventure. Party on, one and all! And goodnight...

Our Twelfth and Final Giveaway

The last deck of Chickenhawk cards will be awared to the first person who emails me the correct answer to the following question: (previous winners, please refrain from answering)

Question Twelve: How old is the first test tube baby?

Cleaning Up

Well, here it is. Three posts left. And of course my thought processes (cough) are on idle. But I thought, just before the last hour, to send you a few morsels of information:

You will still be able to claim a deck of cards by emailing me the correct answers for any questions left - first right answer gets ‘em. The contest will remain open until tomorrow (Monday) night at midnight. After that, you’re out of luck.

My last post of the Blogathon will contain a list of the unanswered questions at that time.

My email address is available to you over in the Funny Farm Links Zone. The questions contain this increased level of difficulty due to my amazing lackadaisical mood right now. Or is that the sleep deprivation kicking in? It’s pretty much a frelling blur right now...

Also, a listing of all of the contest winners will be posted here later on in the week. Probably significantly later, as blogging seems to be exceeding stress tolerance levels at the moment.

One more puzzler for you to puzzle in thirty or so, and then a nice little bombshell for you to grok on until I return to the land of the cognizant sometime soon. Back in a bit...

Hey! I just realized something - if I post my last entry a little early, I can collapse into bed a little early too! Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference...

Winding Down

Time to prop the eyelids open. The cavalry has arrived, with coffee cream (she wants to know if I would be interested in drinking coffee right now... and, yes, this is another trick question - but without prizes for guessing correctly) and something, anything different to focus on right now.

Must... focus...

We still have one copy of Susan McDougal’s book to give away. And we’re only $5 away form raising $200 on behalf of the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund. So, the next person to donate $5 or more gets a copy of the book! You can use this link to Sponsor me in the 2003 Blogathon.

Our Eleventh Giveaway

Another deck of Chickenhawk cards for the first person to email me the correct answer to the following question: (previous winners, please refrain from answering)

Question Eleven: Who runs the finest tequila treehouse on the Net?

Time For Another Cartoon

...while we feverishly (trust me, pretty much everything seems to be feverish right around now) concoct another trivia question to stump you...

Things are Still Looking Up

...even though it is now five thirty or so and I still have some unanswered questions from the Blogathon. Here is another list of the questions still available for you to answer correctly, gentle reader, and win a deck of Chickenhawk cards, should you put on your thinking toque and email me the correct answer.

Questions one (and dammit I haven’t been able to mention the show too much tonight without giving you the answers!), two, seven, nine and ten are still unanswered as of this writing...

Well, I’m Glad I Got That Out Of My System

As SKB might say: OK. Then.

I really would like to know how people can actually operate in that sort of irate frustration, not feel particularly guilty about it, and then blame everyone but themselves for their predicament.

I am already starting to feel pangs of conscience (and that good old Catholic guilt to add to the overall mental anguish) about those last two longish pieces. I think I know why I left that in the ‘To Do’ bin for so long...

By the way, Barry Crimmins has some new quips up. Check them out while we go sanitize our frontal occipitals. And, yes, I have a bottle in front of me. You know you'd rather have it that way, too...

Some early Funny Farm favorites from the latest CrimQuips:

"If a person is determined to fight to the death, then they may very well have that opportunity," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, demonstrating absolutely no sense of the ironic foreshadowing he was providing for the 2004 presidential race. Had Uday and Qusay Hussein been taken alive they could have answered a lot of questions --which probably explains why they weren't taken alive. Many Iraqis are upset with the United States over the moribund state of the occupied nation's economy. If they keep griping Bush may send them to Detroit.

A Taste of Their Own Medicine Too

A number of people in my office have been giggling lately about a wonderful piece of fantasy which blames Our Last Legally Elected President for everything including 9-11.

So now, I have two things to write: a step-by-step-rebuttal, and a better version of the original snarky ‘letter’ cobbled together by these brightest Ditto Monkeys in the Trailer Park!

Phase 2: A Better Mousetrap

Subject: Thank you pResident Moron Dear Usurping Illegally Installed Oil Puppet: I recently read a piece of kimchee by some uninformed Freepertrash that was full of lies and hypocrisy. So, I sat down and reflected on that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done so far; specifically: 1. Thank you for introducing us to Ken Lay, Andrew Falstow, Skilling and the rest of the gang at Enron (and especially thanks for using the Enron corporate jet to fly the Brooks Brothers rioters into Palm Beach so they could illegally disrupt the voting process), and bringing back the thieves who tripled the deficit back in the 1980's. I did leave most of them out, but then, you won’t answer questions about that, will you? 2. Thank you for teaching us all about ‘compassionate conservatism’. I’m really glad you redefined satire for the American people, and showed us the true face of the arrogant elitist elements of our society. Besides, as you yourself have been caught saying at least once, Who cares what you think? 3. Thank you for showing us that fraud and embezzlement in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is how to stifle dissent. It really is great to know that today’s reasons to invade Iraq are not yesterday’s reasons to invade Iraq, and one person may declare war on any other nation because his God told him it was okay to do so. 4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of McCarthyism to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all. 5. Thanks for making Ronald Reagan look competent, Dan Quayle look intelligent, Richard Nixon look honest, George H. W. Bush look truthful, and Bill Clinton look moral. 6. Thank you for refusing to investigate the most horrific act of terrorism on American soil in history for a year, then trying to strangle the investigation once it got started, while setting new records for campaign fund raising after only being pRezNit for two years. 7. Thank you for Plame Gate, YellowcakeGate, and imprisoning nuns (the highlights so far) in the scandals which we have uncovered, despite your persecution of anyone who disagrees with your policies. 8. Thanks also for murdering our soldiers in the military so you and your oil tycoons can get wealthier, "gutting" all of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips, while managing to insult the rest of the world. You have truly shown that the only uniting you are truly interested in is along the same course you have been on since you were ‘born again’. Congratulations on already setting the record for most vacations days taken by a sitting president - after only two years! I sure hope nothing happens during your month long vacation this year - didn’t your Mr. Card say 'you don’t launch a new product in August?' 9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars -- from the space program, the international population fund, veterans benefits, fire and rescue funding (the highlights so far). They really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for those hard-earned, taxpayer dollars than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I’m also glad to see that the lives of our astronauts have so much meaning for you and your junta. I understand you, the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration, and used Air Force One for your own partisan political purposes. 10. Now that you've spent two years in the White House, thanks for hiring convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile to help run the country. We will love to have them rejoin society and pay for them to steal some more of our hard earned tax dollars. 11. Thanks also for lying about the previous administration removing the White House silverware, and so many more lies about the Clintons that you have, to date, refused to correct. I'm sure that Laura Bush isn't in the White House enough to care about the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends." 12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for propagating the lie that the previous adminstration vandalized and destroyed government property on the way out. I also appreciate your continuing to spread lies about the Clintons removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.)out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. And, focusing on this superficial aspect of your thievery allows you to further downplay the systematic assault on the democratic process in every part of American bureaucracy which you have doggedly pursued since usurping office. Thank you! 13. And finally, please ensure that Dick enjoys the at least $100,000 dollars less in taxes (so far) he has to pay this year, and you too, George, the $200 million war chest for your uncontested primary - which you will use to illicitly help fund others in your Party, and smear their opponents. Who says crime doesn't pay! 14. The last and most important point - thank you for flying the bin Laden family out of the country in their own private jet, while all other air traffic was grounded, during the week following 9-11. 15 of the 19 terrorists were of Saudi Arabian origin - but you first targeted Afghanistan, then Iraq, for colonization retribution. You also falsely implied that Al Queda has always been working in partnership with Iraq - when not only did they never work together, they actively disparaged each other - and you chose to ignore the intelligence provided by your own government agencies in this regard, and continue to press your false assertions. You also threw a nukular bogeyman in every American’s face after returning from you vacation last year (2002's new product). This was never reported by any of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified, and continues to be downplayed by the media. The mainstream media have never covered your career with the scorn they reserved for your opponents, and in fact pursued a propaganda campaign designed to prevent anyone from daring to voice criticism directed anywhere near you. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth? What a guy!!! If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these facts, pass this on. May the spirit of the Founding Fathers endure in America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending America's blood and taxes so wisely and frugally. There’s so much more that could be dealt with in much more detail, but I know I’ve already gone past the attention span of the intelligent Ditto Monkey - so it’s time to go.

Our Tenth Giveaway

More Chickenhawk cards for the first person to email me the correct answer to the following question: (previous winners, please refrain from answering)

Question Ten: Which African ‘leader’ is a business partner of religious hypocrite Pat Robertson?

A Taste of Their Own Medicine

A number of people in my office have been giggling lately about a wonderful piece of fantasy which blames Our Last Legally Elected President for everything including 9-11.

So now, I have two things to write: a step-by-step-rebuttal, and a better version of the original snarky ‘letter’ cobbled together by these brightest Ditto Monkeys in the Trailer Park!

(As usual, within the screed itself, we denote emphasis and Funny Farm obervations this way)

Phase 1: Rebuttal

Subject: Thank you Mr. Clinton Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton: I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done; specifically: 1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out? (as a matter of fact - how about Kenneth Starr, peace, prosperity, freedom of speech and the ability to dissent without being targeted for harassment from the people in charge of the government?) 2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college. And, thanks to my backward Philistine thought processes, more than I think they should ever be interested in finding out. 3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK as long as you’re willing to be unfairly impeached for it by hypocrites who do the same thing in their private lives, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is as opposed to the meaning of ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex as opposed to the satisfying five minute missionary style ‘baby making’ that us married Christians do at least once every nine months. 4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all. This comment is so obviously hypocritical now as to be, like so many other things about the BFEE junta that is currently usurping power here in America, beyond satirization 5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral. Pot. Kettle. Black. Or, as the saying used to go around my place, ‘talk about the black pot calling the kettle dirty!’ 6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising as opposed to the current administration which refuses to hold unscripted press conferences, and refusese to consider testifying under oath in the 9-11 investigation. 7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals. (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough) (did we forget to mention the convicted felons working for the current junta, or the fact that both the current pRezNit and Vice pRezNit have DWI convictions they refuse to allow anyone to mention?) 8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips. Another comment so obviously hypocritical now as to be, like so many other things about the BFEE junta that is currently usurping power here in America, beyond satirization 9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars -- from the space program. They really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for those hard-earned, taxpayer dollars than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you, the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration. (did we forget to mention the shuttle flight that disintegrated while re-entring the atmosphere because we cut funds for NASA?) 10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society. We won’t need to pardon anyone - we’ve stacked the courts so no one will ever convict us of anything any more! 11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends." (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough) (did we forget to mention all the gifts we’ve received since we stole the election?) 12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.)out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you! (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough) (by the way, did we forget to mention the taxpayer money we used to send out tax advances with a nice piece of propaganda enclosed?) 13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay! Pot. Kettle. Black. By the way, did we forget to mention that the publisher has a best-selling novel on their hands now? 14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners." However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth? What a guy!!! Pot. Kettle. Black. By the way, did we forget to mention that we accused Clinton of ‘Wagging the Dog’ when he was trying to get rid of Al Queda operatives back in the late 1990's? If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these facts, pass this on. God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally. As opposed to the current administration which will be adding a trillion dollars (so far) to our national debt.

Our Latest Winner

...has successfully answered one of the trick questions in tonight’s giveaway quiz. Please join me in congratulating Jo Fish, who has a blog called Democratic Veteran, and seems to be offering moral support to all of us crazy Blogathon participants.

Question Five: What’s the largest organ in the body? Answer: the skin

Our Ninth Giveaway

Another deck of Chickenhawk cards to the first person who can email me the correct answer to the following skull toasting question (previous winners, please do not answer this question):

Question Nine: In the Lord of the Rings novels, how many Rings of Power were there, and how many rings of each kind were there?

Things are Looking Up

...even though I still have some unanswered questions from last night. I just might put up a list of the ones still able to win you, gentle reader, a deck of Chickenhawk cards should you put on your thinking toque and email me the correct answer.

Questions one, two, five and seven are still unanswered as of this writing...

More Winners Keep Coming In!

Question Eight has been answered correctly:

Question Eight: What is the Aerial Velocity of an Unladen Swallow? (Hint: the answer is in the same format as this famous answer to another famous question: Who wants to know?) The correct answer is: What, do you mean European or African?

Congratulations to Kevin for coming up with the correct answer!

An Offer You Can’t Refuse

Ladies and gentleman, for only the price of a good night’s sleep, you too can find lots of fabulous prizes out there on the Net Alas, A Blog is giving original artwork out if you make contributions totaling $15 or more to any or all of the blogs they are sponsoring in the Blogathon this year!

Just so’s you know what the fantastic artwork available there is like, here’s the latest from the excellent artist(s) over there...

No, I Won’t be Going to Florida Anytime Soon

Thanks to Jesse over at Pandagon (once again! Hey, somebody get this guy a job in a newsroom or something...) for pointing us to another example of the sterling journalism (yes, it’s getting late, and I’m slightly annoyed that I seem to have higher journalistic standards and more ability than they do) of the Corporate Conservative Network:

Six hurt when elderly driver loses control of car FLAGLER BEACH, Florida (CNN) -- Six people were injured Friday when an elderly driver apparently lost control of his car and ran into booths at a farmer's market here, police said. None of the people faced life-threatening injuries but they were transported to a hospital, said Flagler Beach Police Chief John Plummer. He said an elderly man's car struck several vehicles and then hit vendors' booths at the market. Plummer said that police were speaking to the driver, who he said was in his late 60s or early 70s, to determine how he lost control of his car.

Besides the fact that this story is four short paragraphs long (yes, that is the entire story), totally devoid of any useful information, and scary as hell - why, there’s nothing wrong with it at all!

Faithful readers will recall our previous spanking of Aaron Brown, and his subsequent refusal to engage in meaningful debate.

So I guess there’s no use mentioning them again...

Our Eighth Giveaway

Before we get into our first giveaway of the new day, we would like to extend some special thanks to Jesse over at Pandagon. He was kind enough to mention the fine job (cough) we are doing over here while we slowly slide down the path to incoherent babble. He has already put up parodies of the Virgin Ben (R-Self-Parody), Peggy Noonan (R-Lying Media Nazi Whore), and Andrew Sullivan (R-Self-Loathing Lying Media Nazi Whore). And there is more to come!

Once again, it is time to offer a deck of Chickenhawk cards to the first person who can email me the correct answer to the following skull toasting question (previous winners, please do not answer this question):

Question Eight: What is the Aerial Velocity of an Unladen Swallow? (Hint: the answer is in the same format as this famous answer to another famous question: Who wants to know?)