10 May 2003

A shout out to the Folks at Blah Blah Blah

I had the immense fortune to have visited Don over at Blah3 shortly after moving in to Blogistan. He is incredibly active in the liberal part of town, helping found Take Back the Media as well as running his own site. He has recently completed renovations to his site, and while wandering through the posts there, I came across this gem:

- [snip] -

All Bush and Rove and their whole power-hungry junta had to do was nothing. Instead, they commandeered an aircraft carrier, had it turned around so Bush's TV crews (yes, the Bushies were shooting their own footage) could get a better angle, and used the carrier (at American taxpayer expense) as a free prop for the first campaign ad for 'Bush/Cheney '04 - They Did Their Job, Even If You Lost Yours.'

What they¹ve done is given the Democrats - IF THEY'VE GOT THE GUTS - a dynamite visual for a scorched earth ad campaign that puts Bush's non-service record back in play.

I've taken the liberty of writing a television spot (yes, I used to do this for a living, and have 11 CLIOS to prove it.)

SPOT #1 -- OPEN with black-and white slo-mo footage of Bush on the deck of the aircraft carrier, giving that fatuous 'thumbs-up.'
Anncr : 'Lucky thing George was a passenger when he landed on that carrier. You see, George lost his flight status back in his National Guard days when he wouldn't take a drug test. That was before he went AWOL.'

Anncr : That's right, AWOL from his military duty in time of war. Seems to be a habit for George.

Anncr : He¹s AWOL in the fight for American jobs - his administration has lost over two million in four years, the most since the Hoover Administration.

Anncr : He's AWOL in the search for Osama bin Laden. Said he'd get him dead or alive, but then 'guess he just lost interest.'

Anncr : just like he lost interest in investigating what really happened on 9-11. Starved the investigators of money, and then stonewalled them.

Anncr : And he's AWOL in the fight to demand integrity from American businesses. Of course, how can he slap handcuffs on the folks who paid to put him in the White House?

Anncr : Bush has been grounded for 32 years, and AWOL for 30. Isn't it about time America had a President interested in serving his country?


I hereby donate this ad copy, or any variation of it, to any candidate that has the guts to run it. Unlike the Willie Horton ad that Bush's father used on Dukakis, this one is nothing but the truth.

George is asking for it. He 'jumped the shark' when he put on that 'zoom bag.' So let's give it to him.

Many thanks to Rich Proctor for his work, as well as to Don. I think pResident JetBoy rolls off the tongue well. We look forward to linking to the ad in the Funny Farm links zone!

And, finally, It’s been Six Hundred Days since Drinky McDumbAss said he’d catch Usama. If there is a God, (s)he’s a cruel and heartless bastard.

Investigative Journalism 101

The intrepid staff here at the Funny Farm have started many projects. Occasionally we finish some of them as well... and since we try our darnedest to get as much out of the experience as possible, we decided to check out one of the many Repugnicant hypocrites screwing up our lives lo these last fifteen years or so. And a name kept popping up in the research, over and over again, saying all these crazy things. Especially when you put them next to each other.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me show you a little bit about a situation which has been ongoing since before many can remember. Mainly because it starts before they were born.

When Ronnie Ray-Gun used his ‘mandate’ to start making the various courts more conservative during his eight years at the helm (cough cough) in the 1980's, he tried to install an extreme right wing presence, and a conservative majority, on the Supreme Court. Having already appointed Sandra Day O’Connor in 1981 and Antonin Scalia in 1986, plus replacing the retiring Chief Justice in 1986 with William Hubbs Rehnquist, pResident Jellybean was looking for his trifecta when he tried to get Robert Bork added to the roster as well. When the Repugnicants were denied Bork, they vowed revenge.

One of the main proponents of the Bork nomination is our mystery man.

Fast forward past Bookend Bush the Elder. Some are surprised, but most are ambivalent, about the new president. The shrill whine of the Conservative Attack Media is found in many shapes and sizes, after being popularized by the Lying Nazi Media Whore, Rush Limbaugh, during the Ray-Gun/PapaDoc Bush years. Now it begins its eight year hammering of the Clintons. The Congress is mainly Democraps after the election. All of a sudden, a record number of federal judges are confirmed. The new appointments also set new standards for diversity and quality, and were culled from members of both parties.

In 1994, the Repugnicants regained control of the judiciary nomination process, but the Democraps got to submit the candidates. By 1999, the Repugs had slowed down the nomination process significantly, causing some to blame them for a perceived shortage of judges.

Our mystery man redefined the use of the ‘blue slip’ procedure to effectively drop a large number of Clinton’s nominees. Do you know who he is yet?

He also said, in late 2000, that there is no crisis in the staff levels of the federal judiciary.

When pResident Drunken Cokehead usurped power, his handlers dove right in, and started pushing extremely conservative judges (who were required to conform to the administration’s ideology) through the process. He also started filling all the vacancies - which now constituted a ‘vacancy crisis’ in the federal judiciary.

Our mystery man has changed procedural rules to his parties’ advantage (and in direct opposition to their previous values), and added statements to the public record that are in direct opposition to one another. This consummate politician seems to have no problem with being on all sides of ethical and moral questions, and no ability to keep those personal ethics and morals from affecting his ability to operate in a manner befitting a United States Senator. For providing yet another example of the hypocrisy inherent in any of the reigning crop of conservatives, the Funny Farm spotlights our first Repugnicant Hypocrite in the current Cabal - Senator Orrin NutHatch of Utah. We fart in your general direction! Go and boil your bottom, you son of a Silly Person!

09 May 2003

A Letter to an Old Friend

I recently sent this email off to an old friend who I haven’t talked to in almost a month. Through the magic of the internet and our boundless ability to say nothing at all extremely well, even though we don’t see each other every week or so like we used to, we still keep in touch. At least, as much as we all can keep track of one another when distance and decisions cause us to separate over time.

So, I wrote him this note in the flush of a wonderful night of sports on Thursday, May 8, 2003:

Greets from the new email addy

Hey Doc!

I switched internet providers and have the new email address you see. I have been on lots of adventures of late, but the regular gig seems to be going strong still. I am off to Ally's for the weekend, to a friend's to help set up their computer, and just got back from a whirlwind trip of my brothers’ places in Essex County.

In the meantime, I just got back from watching the Pistons beat the Sixers 104-97 in Game 2 in OT with a friend. Then I saw the Minnesota Wild eliminate Vancouver in Game 7!?!?!?! Winding down from watching all of this sports and personal synchronicity over the last few nights, and getting ready for a Friday at the office. I hope to be able to talk about the May Two-Four Weekend (is it May already?) and see more J.S Giggy giggy quack quack. Allyson says her psychic hotline just told her the Ducks will win the Cup. I personally think that the placing of 'the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim' on Lord Stanley's auld mug could possibly be one of those apocalyptic thingys I hear so many preachers make so much of a fuss about.

Lots to do and no time to do it. But it'll get done anyhow. I hope.

In the meantime, all the best. Take care and send our best to the rest of your clan. Talk to you again soon!

08 May 2003

Phelps Hates God

Whilst reading through Atrios’ comments regarding the wife of Reverend Jim Phelps (of God Hates Fags, er, fame) writing to the New York Press. Some thoughts:

If you’ve never heard of Phelps’ crusade against gays, and you support the Repugnicant Party of AmeriKKKa, you had best learn about it. He’s making Islamic fundamentalist zealots look like rational individuals. And he’s there because you let Drinky McDumbAss and the God Squad run roughshod over the Bill of Rights proclaim themselves possessed of a mandate unilaterally break the word of the U.S. in the global community promote faith based initiatives with tax dollars, and encourage religious zealotry in our own country with their own words and actions. Because you supported the November 2000 putsch and the Brooks Brothers revolt. And everything else that has come from it.

The Phelps branch of the Klan is an extended family of lawyers. Who abuse their own children, and bring them up in an environment of hatred and repression. At least from the recollections of the few who got out. Do I need to say any more regarding them to let you, gentle reader, know how we here at the Funny Farm feel about these individuals? I mean, talk about reinforcing your negative stereotypes!

I guess this is sort of tied into the first point, but it is valid in and of itself. The junta has not seen fit to do anything about our own homegrown AmeriKKKan zealotry except stir the pot. A number of the Supremes are now on record saying some really bigoted remarks. Field Marshal AssKKKroft, a noted states rights activist during his time as a criminally insane Senator from Missouri, interferes in states rights when their laws don’t agree with his personal views. The PNAC plan for the AmeriKKKan Empire, published during our last legal president’s term, is now being enacted before our eyes. I wonder if Phelps will (or already has) gotten faith based initiative money to further his homophobic agenda? Or if he will bring his message to the heathens in the Middle East? Maybe if there’s money to be made...

Anyways, ... time to punch the clock once more. Pistons game tonight will be delaying blogging activity until at least one good game of Exit The Palace. Peace, all!

06 May 2003

Tomorrow’s Opinions Today

Neal Pollack managed to catch the Democratic presidential debate the other day, and he writes about it just the ‘right’ way.

I must say most people will have a problem seeing the satire noire in this gentleman’s writing. To others he is the culmination of many years of Oscar Wilde style farce.

Here at the Funny Farm, we know that Neal has been in the Conversation Pit with the Piranha Brothers, and has personally nailed some mush’s head to a coffee table. So we, like, owe it to him to read his work, if you know what I mean (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) - eh?

Oh well,... Time for me to vacate the zone once again -

I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go...

By the way, today is the day Kmart is scheduled to come out of bankruptcy. Hope it goes well...

05 May 2003

Monday Night Updates

Well – a wonderful weekend spent in the Great White North with some old friends and family. It’s hard to get mentally into the work that needs to be done on the job of late. And there are so many distractions these days that I have used up almost a third of my allotted vacation time this year. Of course, under the theory that the job will not last out the year – opening up vast reaches of unpaid and unexpected, at least for my personal retirement plans, time off of work.

For the time being, I strongly suggest you take a look at the latest from Pax Liberalis. Joe has done some good work as has been his habit since he popped up in the neighborhood, and his latest work, Roasting Wienies at the Pier, shows us a list of fourteen identifying characteristics of fascism and of course how the current badministration rates on their curent usage. I’ll leave it to you to evaluate the Junta for yourselves as you read along. Just for fun, you could consider rating all of the administrations you can remember. All of our foreign readers, I’m sure, can probably take an honest look at many of the countries besides the 400 pound chimp over here in the Americas, and see that the fascist groove thang has been growing in popularity. After all, I do seem to remember hearing someone say,

If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator.

Now, who could that have been? Was it, perhaps, SATAN?

Or could it have been someone of historical merit, a megalomaniac the likes of whom the world has rarely experienced and generally not appreciated?

Or is it this guy?