09 April 2004

Is It Opening Day Already?

What with all of the sporting seasons overlapping each other these days, sometimes it slips by you when yet another year begins in one of your favorite sporting activities. Then somebody like Tom Tomorrow hits one out of the park, and you realize that, yes, it’s time once again to show the abuses and wonders of the capitalist system. Tom points to the time honored practice of time shaving, and shows us that, once again, Wal-Mart is paving the way for corporate America. I mean, those Walton heirs won’t be able to put the gold toilets in their fifteenth mansions unless they can squeeze some unpaid overtime out of their minions employees. Let’s get our priorities straight, people!

Tom then points to another great post from South Knox Bubba where, among other things, he wants to quantify the relative prosperity of a corporation’s employees, or the impact of a corporation on its’ surroundings. Now, I don’t know how this would be able to be applied to groups, as opposed to individuals, but I use a little something called the E2E Ratio. It stands for Earnings to Effort, and tells me whether I need to get out of a bad job situation, or make sure I appreciate not dreading to go to work each day.

The bottom of Tom’s post is where the true gold lies, though. The original post Tom points to talks about what I imagined investment angels were all about. And tells us of a winning corporate strategy that is, sadly, frowned upon in the corridors of business these days. How can investors gouge their obscene profits out of corporations if they actually treated their regular employees well?

They say there are more and more jobs becoming available. The main problem with that statement, as far as I can tell, is that a lot of those jobs have a poor E2E ratio. Especially compared to how most people were doing before the Great White Blight usurped his way into the WhiteWash House.

08 April 2004

Original Profanity Policy (OPP)

You may have noticed potentially indecent and possibly obscene content at this web site of late*. This is somewhat of an explanation for the specific use of the specific epithet I used the other day. Not that I am above the use of epithets (or, for that matter, alliterations, mixed metaphors, run-on parenthetical sentences, and the occasional poetic form), but I tend to soften the blow by using something out of the ordinary. That split second it takes your imagination to go from dren, kimchee, or frell to their more common equivalents (hopefully) causes the reader to wonder which of the eleventy-tween names of God uses of these words I intend to put them to. And, after all, they are used for so many different things. There are a number of variants on this sort of theme about the many uses of the expletive beginning with F. Dren and its' more familiar variant is also used in a number of ways in everyday dialogue.

Now, both regular readers around here know that I am somewhat concerned about the invocation of the Invisible Cloud Being that is done on a constant basis most everywhere. Most especially, I have become concerned of late with the openly government-sponsored emphasis on religious fealty. So, when I see the guy who wrote the manual on Repugnicant smear tactics saying,

Solicitor General of the United States Theodore B. Olson offered the court a variety of reasons to overturn the 9th Circuit's ruling, noting that "the ceremonial rendition" of the pledge, including "under God," is not a prayer or "religious invocation."

Rather, he said, it is a "descriptive" phrase, "an acknowledgment of the religious basis of the framers of the Constitution, who believed not only that the right to revolt, but that the right to vest power in the people to create a government . . . came as a result of religious principles."

I just want to use the phrase God-damned all the time. I mean, if it is just a descriptive phrase, or a ceremonial rendition (Seig Heil!) that came about as a result of religious principles, then it shouldn't be particularly offensive to anyone, now should it? You know, the way its okay to run down the steps of the Congress in order to shout under God!! to the heavens (on the taxpayers' dime) (contrary to the general tenet of humility so prevalent in our religious beliefs today [cough]), and not offend anyone. The way it is okay for priests to openly advocate for one of the particular political parties in an official capacity and not offend anyone. The way we can put In God We Trust on all of our currency, without finishing the thought and adding Everyone Else Pays With This, and not offend anyone.

Well, maybe the last bit about adding a trite pun to our cash isn't that offensive to either of my faithful readers. But I hope you see the point that I have stretched to extremes here. If we could truly become a more polite world, and be tolerant of all the diverse forms of humanity's faith-based activity who don't promote oppression of those who will not see their Light, I might be a little less concerned about using tax money to pay for religious proselytizing.

Naaah - I don't think that sort of thing would ever fly here at the Funny Farm. Even if I wanted to contribute to the spreading of a particular faith, I couldn't support requiring others to do the same.

*: Some of you might have considered the content on this site obscene for a long time now, more for its content than its language.

Unfortunately there is little that we wish to do for anyone who is offended when we use the term Repugnicant for those who until recently had embodied the ethos of the party of Lincoln. The current carrion-eaters who claim to be upholding that tradition are as arrogantly hypocritical about that as they are about the rest of the lies they are trying to shove down the throats of the populace these days.

We also wish to make it quite clear that there are very many truly spiritual and faith-filled people out there who have a good grasp on their religious beliefs. These are not the people, who I often refer to as the religiously insane, that I direct my ire at from time to time. Someone getting wrapped up in a militant group - whatever the philosophy of that group - is what I am trying to figure out. Why would someone devote the majority of their life to following entertainers, such as the Grateful Dead, wherever they go? How can someone be so overwhelmed by Faux News that they believe all the kimchee the 1600 Crew is feeding them? How can the rabid followers of the 700 Club send their nickels and dimes to support the opulence they watch their leaders flaunt in their faces?

And all of that stuff reminds me that these clowns are playing Not My Fault while they bleed another country (along with their own) in order to help the rich get richer. How can the government focus so much energy into forcing everyone to see things their way?

Inquiring minds want to know...

Religious Insanity In Action!

The Landsnark points us to an article about someone who refused to abide by company rules that he said violated his religious beliefs about homosexuality being awarded beaucop bucks from the legal system (cough cough here's your frivolous lawsuit cough cough). Because this individual felt their Christian beliefs prevented them from valuing or agreeing with homosexuality, which they view as a sin, but they pledged not to discriminate against or harass anyone, they were only awarded $146,269 for lost salary, loss of 401(k) matching contributions and compensation for emotional distress.

So, I'm wondering, if I see something in my rules of business conduct that says I need to fully recognize, respect and value the differences among all of us, including religious orientation - or even if it says that I cannot fully recognize, respect and value the differences among all of us if they are religious or sexual in nature - and I don't agree with the policy, can I declare that my beliefs prevent me from valuing or agreeing with the Christian agenda and get fabulous prizes too?

Just for the record, I have disagreed with my company's code of conduct and business policies every year that I have been working for my current employer. And every year I am told to just sign the God-damned piece of paper or pack up my things and head out the door for good. So this is not merely an intellectual exercise for me.

I would urge anyone of a Christian bent who agrees with this individual and what they have done to consider what would happen if the situation was reversed, and people objected to valuing or agreeing with Christianity being allowed to exist in the workplace. And (in this hypothetical example), while they wouldn't be discriminated against or harassed (in theory), let's just say that things might not get done for them as quickly as they would otherwise in certain circumstances. How long would someone remain in such a position, and keep a positive attitude about the job?

Not that anyone would ever think about making someone else's life miserable just because they were different, or anything like that...

07 April 2004

More Fearless Fognostications From the Funny Farm

Because it may be the last time NHL hockey will be played in a while if the lockout takes place, I hope to see another good playoff year as a sendoff. The last few NHL playoffs have been extraordinarily good as far as I'm concerned in terms of the quality of play and evenness of competition. Plus, I won't watch hockey again for a long time if they go on strike once more (I'm still not watching baseball since their last play stoppage). So this could very well be the last time I get into watching NHL hockey. Sigh...

So, without further ado, I would like to offer my picks for the playoffs:

The Cast:

In the West:

1. Detroit
2. San Jose
3. Vancouver
4. Colorado
5. Dallas
6. Calgary
7. St. Louis
8. Nashville

In the East:

1. Tampa Bay
2. Boston
3. Philadelphia
4. Toronto
5. Ottawa
6. New Jersey
7. Montreal
8. New York Islanders

The First Round:

Detroit crushes Nashville in four
San Jose beats up St. Louis in six
Vancouver cruises past Calgary in five
Colorado survives Dallas in seven

The Islanders surprise (sorta) the Lightning in six
Boston brushes past Montreal in five
New Jersey squeaks past Philadelphia in seven
Toronto wins the Battle of Ontario over Ottawa in seven

The Second Round:

Colorado continues to frustrate Detroit, winning in six
Vancouver blows past San Jose in five

Boston outguns the Islanders in five
New Jersey stymies Toronto in six

The Third Round:

Vancouver throttles Colorado in five
New Jersey shuts down Boston in seven

The Finals
Vancouver defeats New Jersey in seven games.

You don't know how hard it was to write off my beloved Canadiens in the first round. I can only hope that I am very much mistaken in my analysis of the Habs' playoff potential. As long as they don't get blown away this year, I will consider it a bonus. Mr. Gainey seems to have restored some of the Hab mystique this season. Hopefully he gets a chance to improve on things next year...

06 April 2004

Inside the BFEE: An Ethics Primer

As long as that frelling irony meter keeps on going off, I might as well show you a (very) few of the (latest) reasons why:

- The King Of Zembla points us to a discussion of the upcoming Repugnicant Newspeak Talking Points Memo in the Guardian UK. Apparently the Repugs are trying to figure out how to spin, among other things, the knowledge that

the EPA is reporting that 40 percent of U.S. streams, 45 percent of lakes and 14 percent of ocean shoreline miles are "impaired," meaning "the water body does not support one or more of its intended uses." However, the EPA also notes that only a small portion of these waters were even assessed: 19 percent of rivers and streams, 43 percent of lakes and ponds and 6 percent of ocean shorelines.

Upon further investigation, I also noticed that once again I am in the day late and dollar short category of news reportage. The original article appears to be written on March 23 in in the Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun. It sure would have been nice if I could actually see the memo instead of reading excerpts from it, but I guess half a loaf is better than none.

- Informed Comment and Baghdad Burning both point to the latest coverup by the BFEE* in their occupation of the Middle East. And Reuters (via Yahoo) tells us of the BFEE' continuing campaign to stifle dissent arrest radical clerics who question the junta find the perpetrators who desecrated the mercenaries contractors in Fallujah the other day.

- pResident Never My Fault says, once again for all of those who didn't get the meme the first time, that if his boys had been specifically told that specific planes were going to hit specific targets at specific times, why, of course he would have stopped them from doing it! In related news, White House vetting could delay 9/11 report until after election. Imagine my surprise at this news, if you can...

And bear in mind that this is only the latest in a long series of Orwellian moves by these clowns. Sorry to say that interaction with the real world is forcing me to cut this screed short. Go check out the other infotainment sources over in the Links Zone while I'm gone. And don't let the bastards get you down! This is going to catch up with them some day - maybe even in our lifetime...

* - BFEE = Bush Family Evil Empire