14 March 2003

Translate THIS!

Would you like fries with that?

13 March 2003

The More Things Change

Here we go again. While everybody’s worrying about Freedom Fries, the Repugnicants push through a bill to ban D&E abortions, and Field Marshall AssKKKroft busts Tommy Chong. Phil Donahue gets replaced by the Savage Weiner, who declares war on people who are organizing a boycott against him. The Boy Usurper blithely trundles along, at least 10 votes short of a full U.N. resolution. The Media Whores seem to have learned to be embarrassed at being caught whoring - as opposed to trying not to whore in the first place. But, hey, it’s a start. The Democrats have finally shown a tiny semblance of some form of cojones in their stance on Estrada. Here’s hoping they manage to filibuster as many of the wingnuts the junta is trying to install in the judiciary as they can.

And I can’t get over the fact that I mainly hear sheeple talking about Howard Stern, American Idol, Am I Hot?, the New Beverly Hillbillies, and the rest of the dren spewed on the idiot box in between war propaganda. Isn’t it amazing how you can see one of those Koresh-awful anti-government-wisdom anti-drug ads almost any hour of any day, but no one can find the time to run the Detroit Project commercials?

Except here, at the Funny Farm. And all the places in Blogistan that we provide you with directions to. So you can start your journey in the correct direction. I found out all about what’s really going on in the world today, not by listening to the talking heads on the CBS/NBC/ABC/FOX/Viacom/TBS/CNN infotainment feeds. Nor do I bother with Howie the Whore, Chris the Screamer, or any of the rest of the Insane Whore Posse that fawns over every misstep Our Glorious Deserter-in-Thief in the printed media these days. No – I just trundle down the lane here in Blogistan, and these guys lay it out for me. They are all on to top stories with much more professionalism and research than any of the ‘mainstream’ media. They’ll tell me if they make mistakes. They respect one another and the job that they are trying to do – which they see JD Roberts and Koppel and the rest selling out on a daily basis for the masses.

Go check out the many places to travel out in this electronic frontier. There is finally some new Daily Brew available today. I wasn’t aware that Ann Slanders was growing another year wiser until as recently as recently, if you know what I mean. So congrats to both of these friends of mine on their recent achievements. And I am going away for the weekend with my sweetie to the Great White North. I very much fear that I will be out of the country when the shooting officially starts. However I also expect to be in front of the firing squad shortly thereafter. It never hurts to plan ahead!

Sporadic guerilla blogging may take place from undisclosed locations throughout midwest North AmeriKKKa in the near future. May you find your journeys safe and enojyable!

11 March 2003

Welcome to AmeriKKKa

10 March 2003

Proud of My Baby

So, I was reading BartCop last night, when I saw this:

To: TheWestWing@nbc.com

Subject: Mr Sheen

Dear Sir/Madam~

I am appalled that you would even consider firing Mr Sheen from the West Wing due to his political views! America is in dire need of more people who are willing to speak their viewpoints regarding this ridiculous war.

When the mainstream wants celebrities to be "role models" they're screaming for it, but now they want Mr Sheen to shut up because his viewpoints don't agree with theirs? What ever happened to free speech?

Please don't give in to the conservative puppets that are controlling our air-waves. Stand up for Mr Sheen!!! At least he has the balls to say what he feels is right!

If he is fired, I will no longer be watching any programs on NBC and will encourage my friends to do like-wise.

Allyson from Ohio

So – I’m saying to my self, Hey, Steve! Exxcuuuuuse Me! And Now, For Something Completely Different Stop that, It’s Silly! Word Association Football Sock it to me! Jane, you ignorant Slut! Now, a word on the serious topic of schizophrenia No it’s not Shut up and Let Him Talk! Subliminal Man Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You I can’t believe I’m still doing this… Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You


So – I’m saying to my self, self, methinks this sounds like a lady I know. I hope to get confirmation, since here at the Funny Farm we try not to delve into speculation. The truth is enough of a handful as it is.

Until then, let me say Hi to my Sweetie anyhow, and present you with this quandary.

There is already a bet that I cannot confirm on whether this is my Ally. But I’d bet that it is. If I could take a bet Bet? Bet. Bet! Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet Bet! Bet! Bet!! Bet!! Bet!!!!! pant pant

(cough cough)

Time to go to work now...

P.S. I wasn’t cool enough, or didn’t think it was funny enough, at age 8 or 9 when the Smothers Brothers were on to remember much or follow it, ahem, religiously – other than, yes, it was on our TV from time to time. So I don’t remember any of their schtick like I remember, say, Steve Martin or Robin Williams or Monty Python or The Flinstonesor SNL. Except for Tommy Smothers doing Yo-Yo Man – and I don’t know if that was part of the original show or not...

Update: Yes, it is my baby who sent that email. Nice job, Allyson!

09 March 2003

All Homage to My Inspiration

I may have been remiss of late in promoting the many great sites over on the left hand side of my web page. I have many and varied excuses for my behavior.

Hopefully this might be a humorous explanation, as well as a public taunting of my good friend and inspiration, Ann Slanders, who can’t even manage to put my website on a separate line in his concise (cough) directory of vital web experiences.

In between transcribing El ChupaCabra and putting it up for public consumption, working my ass off (as amazingly I have deadlines too! Although maybe not in the near future, but that’s another story.), and developing a marvelous cure for something so that the medical world will take notice and then I’ll tell them all jolly well what to do so there won’t be diseases any more, I decided to not make so many frelling links in my posts. Especially if I was actually trying to write them myself, instead of riffing off somebody else’s legwork. Which I unfortunately do all too often.

Anyways, . . . I just wanted to post this silly noise to tell Ann Slanders that I will be linking to the words at that web site in the days to come. Especially if she responds to her favorite stalker reader. And to unveil a brand new link to the Ann Slanders website. And amuse and enthrall all and sundry on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Look through the Funny Farm Links Zone for the new link to Ann. And have a pleasant tomorrow!


Being a good and devout Christian, I was praying for guidance on what to do about the Iraq situation. I was stunned when God answered back. Yikes, does she have a lot on her mind! Luckily I had a pencil and paper with me (all quotes verbatim):

Q: So you are...
A: Who else? The source of all being, without beginning and without end. Infinite, eternal boundless. You were praying to me, right?

Q: Right. About what to do about Iraq.
A: Listen, before we go there, can I bend your ear about this Bush character?

Q: Sure!
A: I am sick to death of these smug, arrogant, holier-than-thou types using religion as baseball bat to beat the crap out of anyone they don¹t like. MAN, does that frost my beer mug!

Q: But in the latest Newsweek...
A: Hey, I read it! I get everything a day early! This dimwit is trying to use ME to justify a freakin' WAR? Wake up and smell the espresso, Sparky! The whole reason I sent my boy down there...

Q: Jesus?
A: Yeah! All he talked about PEACE! GETTING ALONG! TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK! 'Blessed are the PEACEMAKERS!' Could I be any more specific? If I'd wanted to say, 'Blessed are the sanctimonious, megalomaniacal, nuclear-bomb-wielding bringers of death and destruction to helpless civilians,' I would have had Jesus say THAT!

Q: So you feel that Mr. Bush might be a little, er, misguided in his religious convictions?
A: MISGUIDED? This yo-yo - and understand, when I say 'yo-yo' I¹m engaging in a little exaggeration for dramatic effect, you're all my perfect children - this yo-yo pretends to be a devout Christian, and yet he...he - where do I begin?

Q: Anywhere.
A: Okay. He hides behind bile-spewing hate-mongers like Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh, who curse and vilify the 97% of the world¹s people who aren¹t white Protestant Republicans. Remember, 'Love Thy Neighbor?' He sure doesn't. He condones the most vile kind of greed and corruption in his corporate buddies like Ken Lay, etc. He takes my greatest creations ­ rivers, forests, meadows ­ and lets the worst kind of greedbags plunder them! He and his pals can sure as hell cut DOWN trees, but can they GROW THEM? I don¹t think so.

And now he's sending hundreds of thousands of my precious, perfect Christian children to the Middle East to slaughter hundreds of thousands of my precious, perfect Islamic children. If he was some deluded atheist like Hitler or Stalin, that¹d be one thing. But he uses every chance he gets to embarrass me by saying what a good Christian Soldier he is. MAN that steams my windshield!

Q: So when Bush says...
A: Oh, and ASHCROFT! Don't get me started! Mr. 'All-Life-Is-Sacred' urging his lieutenants to demand the freakin' DEATH PENALTY in cases where the freakin' PROSECUTOR hasn¹t even asked for it? How does THAT compute? If I hadn't made him in my image, I¹d demand a factory recall to check him for damaged parts.

Q: So when Bush says that his election was a divine miracle, and he was placed in the White House by the hand of God...
A: You can't lay that one on me! His election was a miracle of voter fraud. He was put in the White House by the hands of Jeb, Katherine, Antonin, and Ralph ­ I had nothing to do with it. Zip, zilch, nada.

Q: So what I¹m hearing is that you think this upcoming war is wrong.
A: Look, I'll make it easy. I've created a kind of paradise on earth for you people. I¹ve given you air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat. I even made sex fun, so you'd enjoy reproducing! All you have to do is figure out some way to revel in all this bounty without killing each other! Is this hard? Am I missing something? Let¹s check the Ten Commandments. Oh yeah, here it is ­ 'Thou Shalt Not Kill.' See an asterisk there? Any fine print? Anything like, 'Except for people who don¹t look like us?'

Q: Ah, no. So if I see Mr. Bush...
A: Tell him to quit yakkin' about being a Christian, and start acting like one! Let me throw out some words, see if they ring a bell. Honesty? Integrity? Humility? Patience? Hope? Kindness? Love? When I see this supposed icon of Christianity acting like some testosterone-crazed nitwit from the World Wrestling Federation, MAN that kinks my garden hose!

Q: Thanks. And God help us.
A: I¹ve ALREADY helped you. Time for you bozos to figure it out for yourselves

Thanks to Don Waller over at Blah3 (and Take Back the Media) for encouraging Rich's contributions to Blogistan!