05 March 2004

The Chimperor's Media Whores Say He's Coming Out Positive On Re-Selection Campaign

Even though one of his first ads is filled with blatantly negative, um, lies:

He inherited a recession in 2001 - um, didn't the recession start in March 2001?* Which was, um, three months after he was appointed, right?

This must be an example of that 'new era of responsibility' that Shrubco and the God Squad were talking about before they stole the presidency in 2000. Funny thing about that, though - I seem to recall Commander Codpiece saying he was going to try and be more responsible for the actions of the government done in his name (praise Koresh!).

Plus, a lot of that market downturn was a reaction to pResident Borrow and Spend’s being electorated. And him and his buddies dumping their market positions in November 2000. And him and his buddies at Enron and the rest of the corpo-weasel executroids who were taking the money and running.

We suffered through a national tragedy in 2001 - which may have occurred because The Great Pretender was playing ranch hand instead of running the country (we can’t be sure – he won’t testify and tell us what little he knows). This is a good thing to remind us about when the bouts of depression endemic to the population are finally working their way out of our collective psyche?

Not to mention the footage of 9-11 in the shot here. Apparently even the firefighters (who realize Tipsy’s been giving them the shaft at long last) seem to be a tad upset at seeing that used in the opening salvo of the political ads campaign. Possibly because their funding has been cut Cut CUT during the 1600 Crew run. Um, I thought it was supposed to be taboo to dance on the grave of the World Trade Center. Especially when you scold others for even considering it. And you promise that you won’t stoop to that level yourself. That would be… lying!

Let’s not forget, this is the same bunch who laughed at the so-called experts from the previous excuse for an administration when they warned them about some crazy heathen, (can you Believe This!!!) in the mountains of Afghanistan, (or some pill factory in the Sudan, or whereever they need to be so that the plan the evil Klintoons had today to distract us all from the Mighty ClenisTM and its’ clever plan to destroy civilization as we know it can take place), on a dialysis machine, who vowed vengeance on the American infidels. And they tried interrupting awol’s vacation for it! The nerve…

Is it me, or do the pronouncements of the junta since they usurped the WhiteWash House sound a little more Big Brotherish after this display of manipulative arrogance? But wait! There’s more…

We know what to do in 2004 - and beyond, presumably by the tone. Never mind that the junta caused it to happen. Why, we’re almost back to where we were when Drinky McDumbass was appointed in 2000!

I wonder what the media whores would do if John Kerry happened to use footage from 9-11 to point out the incompetence of the 1600 Crew? You know, if he kept it positive? Something like “I would never allow something like this on my watch”. How long would it be until the cabal cried foul?

* - we mistakenly put the start date as 2000 instead of 2001. We also took the opportunity to clean up some of the more tortuous run-on sentences. We apologize for the inconvenience...


Today marks day 900 since the Texas Souffle said he’d catch Osama you Mama. Since then, it’s only cost the United States (so far):

550 soldiers (in the illegitimate and unnecessary Iraq Oil War II), 3000 civilians in the WTC, another 3000 (at least) American soldiers wounded, over 100,000 Iraqi citizens and soldiers, the economy, the surplus, 3 million jobs, the reputation of the United States in the international community, and a lot of the rights Americans have fought so hard to get.

Thanks, Putsch!

04 March 2004

Spot The Difference

So now it appears that John Kerry will be the Democratic presidential nominee. While I am not particularly enthusiatic about the big Democratic establishment candidate running against the big money Repugnicant candidate (who, it goes without saying, basically defines the snotty rich kid stereotype), I would like to point out a few slight differences between the two for anyone who buys into Nader's propaganda (that there is no difference between the two major political parties):

- the Democrats are running a Vietnam War veteran, awarded combat medals for bravery. The Repugnicants are running a chickenhawk who hid in the National Guard during Vietnam, and then couldn't even complete his service;

- further, John Kerry served his country after being drafted, and then protested the government pursuing a pointless war. The Chimperor ran away from serving in Vietnam, and then gleefully threw America's youth into another pointless war;

- the papers seem to be criticizing Kerry's voting record during his political career. At least he has one. The only thing Commander Codpiece did during his stint as the titular head of Texas was execute more people than any other governor in history;

- both of these gentlemen are members of the elite. That means all sorts of fancy perks that you or I can only imagine. That also means expensive haircuts, expensive suits, and lots of expenses. So, why is it that we hear all about Kerry the rich elitist, and nothing about pResident Pinhead's $5000 custom made Oxxford suits?

There will probably be many more such questions being asked here at the Funny Farm between now and November.