02 May 2003

Barry Crimmins CrimQuips on ‘Loyalty Day’:

Bush wants to turn May Day into "Loyalty Day." So rather than consider our fellow workers on May 1, we are supposed to amplify our devotion to the government that has so blithely decimated workers' rights.

What are we supposed to barbecue on Loyalty Day? Wage slaves?

The Loyalty Day Parade will actually be a forced march.

We should be thankful that Bush didn’t try to replace Election Day with Loyalty Day.
Under Bush's plan Election Day will remain Larceny Day.

I'm betting Wal-Mart will have a full array of Loyalty Day gifts and novelties. And I'm further betting that Wal-Mart will force many workers into performing unpaid overtime so they can help get the Loyalty Day stock on the shelves.

Bush figures that since the next few months only offer Memorial Day, Flag Day and the Fourth of July that there really was a screaming need for yet another jingoistic display of nationalism.

I declare today Disloyalty Day-- to unelected fascists like George W. Bush. And with that, I will refrain from further comment so I don't say something that might aggravate somebody.


Actually, Barry, we here at the Funny Farm would like to salute you!

Are we Scared Yet?

U.S. says Canada cares too much about liberties

!!Double Bonus Plus!! Baconslab is back! Go look now.

This Explains that Throbbing Vein in my Forehead

Waaaa! Waaaa! I want my judges to be nominated! I didn’t think the Democrats would actually filibuster them – after all, we never had to.

GOP Frustrated by Dem Filibusters May Sue. What was that about frivolous lawsuits again, Pinhead? Oh, that's right - do as pResident Putsch says, not as he does. How could I forget that?

Somehow, that Loyalty Day celebration didn't particularly inspire loyalty to the current junta here at the Funny Farm. We do, however, remain fiercely loyal to the U.S. Our Canadian cousins might even say rabidly so. They don't meet many Americans, so I guess they're entitled to that opinion, even if it is incorrect...

Have a good weekend everyone! Possible random guerilla blogging from various undisclosed locations throughout the North American midwest this weekend.

01 May 2003

Good thing the Irony Overload Siren’s Busted

Did you know that today, ladies and gentlemen, is the United states of America’s first ever Loyalty Day? Well, ... now you know. Sweet Koresh on a crutch! By the augurs of the Holy Writs, the age of the Fifth Reich is upon us! Honey, grab the cats and let’s get the hell out of Dodge...

Here, in all its’ glory, a ‘proclamation’ by the pResident of the United States of America:
[emphasis by Your Humble Narrator]

Loyalty Day, 2003

By the pResident of the United States of America

A Proclamation

To be an American is not a matter of blood or birth. Our citizens are bound by ideals that represent the hope of all mankind: that all men are created equal, endowed with unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. On Loyalty Day, we reaffirm our allegiance to our country and resolve to uphold the vision of our Forefathers.

Our founding principles have endured, guiding our Nation toward progress and prosperity and allowing the United States to be a leader among nations of the world. Throughout our history, honorable men and women have demonstrated their loyalty to America by making remarkable sacrifices to preserve and protect these values.

Today, America's men and women in uniform are protecting our Nation, defending the peace of the world, and advancing the cause of liberty. The world has seen again the fine character of our Nation through our military as they fought to protect the innocent and liberate the oppressed in Operation Iraqi Liberation Freedom. We are honored by the service of foreign nationals in our Armed Services whose willingness to risk their lives for a country they cannot yet call their own is proof of the loyalty this country inspires. Their service and sacrifice are a testament to their love for America, and our soldiers' honor on and off the battlefield reaffirms our Nation's most deeply held beliefs: that every life counts, and that all humans have an unalienable right to live as free people.

These values must be imparted to each new generation. Our children need to know that our Nation is a force for good in the world, extending hope and freedom to others. By learning about America's history, achievements, ideas, and heroes, our young citizens will come to understand even more why freedom is worth protecting.

Last September, I announced several initiatives that will help improve students' knowledge of American history, increase their civic involvement, and deepen their love for our great country. The We the People initiative will encourage the teaching of American history and civic education by providing grants for curriculum development and training seminars. The Our Documents initiative will use the Internet to bring information about and the text of 100 of America's most important documents from the National Archives to classrooms and communities across the country. These initiatives are important, for it is only when our children have an understanding of our past that they will be able to lead the future.

This Loyalty Day, as we express allegiance to our Nation and its founding ideals, we resolve to ensure that the blessings of liberty endure and extend for generations to come.

The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as "Loyalty Day," and I ask all Americans to join me in this day of celebration and in reaffirming our allegiance to our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 1, 2003, as Loyalty Day. I call upon all the people of the United States to join in support of this national observance. I also call upon government officials to display the flag of the United States on all government buildings on Loyalty Day.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-seventh.



So, is this like a new holiday or something? How come I didn’t get it off? Will we get it off every year from now on? I mean, besides if we’re some cushy member of the elite (who get every holiday off of their cushy jobs somehow) or (cough) government dole serf employment system drones voters employees.

(cough cough)

Coming up on Day 600 in the Osama – Usama – Wassamatta U (Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!) travesty coverup manhunt extravaganza. Don’t expect any sort of accountability, other than blaming Clinton, from pResident Never Elected. Or any sort of media objectivity in the situation, either. How can one sock puppet and a crooked cabal do so much damage in so little time?

Thanks, as often is the case, are extended from the Funny Farm to Atrios for finding this gem.

Welcome to May!

You have been prepping for Cinco de Mayo again, haven’t you? Go on, admit it. You can tell yourself, at the very least, right? I’m prepping for some family celebrations myself. Most of my clan is currently domiciled in the Great White North – and this will be the first time facing the border experience for Your Humble Narrator for a while. By way of disclaimer, I have been a border child for years – going across at least every other week since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I didn’t go across as much when I went off to college even further north in the Great White North at the breathtakingly naïve age of 17 ¾ years. And of course, I had a verbal and financial dustup with an AmeriKKKan Customs Fascist officer way back in the early eighties that still causes me to studiously avoid using the Niagara Falls – Buffalo border crossing. Don’t get me started, either. Those stories could eventually be fashioned into modern day epics with very little effort.

Besides, it is becoming so much of a hassle these days. Lineups are long, no matter how you slice it. My family went through the tunnel for years when I was growing up. But I usually use the bridge these days. Partly to try and deal with my fear of heights, and convince myself that, although there is a realistic fear of falling, it is irrational to let it affect my ability to function. Partly, of course, for the fabulous door prizes available upon entry to, and sometimes return from, another sovereign nation. But it costs almost ten bucks just to go through the process each time now. Which is way more than it used to be. If I didn't have a cushy job schlepping for the Man, after all, how would I be able to afford it? It's a little less if you do it a lot - but that's still got to be a major pain in the buttocks. And a pretty significant chunk of your operating budget...

At least, that’s the current spin from the current rulers of the current sovereign nations. And that concludes the current analysis from the Funny Farm. Have yourselves an enjoyable time of it over the next fortnight! Check out everybody in the links zone, or as many as you can. I can very well imagine it would take a while to go through all of the data those people want you to see. But it would be interesting to try...

30 April 2003

Irony Overload Siren Broken Here at the Funny Farm

The poor bugger gave out over the last two weeks – it kept going off for days at a time. And now - Atrios tells us that Little Ricky Santorum is involved in some sort of shenanigans with a group called the Alliance for Marriage. In fact, he has been for some time – this was on the radar here at the Funny Farm many moons ago, a mere blip in the cacophony coming from the Mighty Wurlitzer and the spin coming from Ari Fork Tongue and the JuntaTM. Just another redneck from Pennsylvania. Apparently (so I’m told), there are a few of them to be found. You don’t even have to look very hard for them.
The package from Santorum and Alliance for Marriage was sent to Republicans in Pennsylvania, among other states.

However, Alliance for Marriage is not registered with Pennsylvania's Bureau of Charitable Organizations, and therefore should not be soliciting funds in Pennsylvania, said Brian McDonald, the state bureau's spokesman.

"If they are soliciting in the state, but they're collecting $25,000 nationwide, then they have to register with us. They have not, according to our records," McDonald said.

In the 2001 IRS 990s filed by Alliance for Marriage, the group reported receiving $380,153 in donations.”


Too bad we couldn’t put his ass behind bars for this sort of thing. But then, who would be doing his work as a high ranking member of the Repugnicant Party?

I’d really like to know how anyone with any self respect can vote to propagate opinions like this in our government. Any ditto monkeys neofascists conservatives care to ‘splain it to me?

Have We Started Again?

The Drinky McDumbAss and the God Squad World Regime Change TourTM sets another record: the annual session of the UN Commission on the Status of Women, for the first time ever, issued no statement:


The American delegation joined with Iran, Pakistan, Sudan, Libya and others in efforts to delete a phrase - included in previously agreed-upon UN statements dating back a decade - that calls on countries to condemn violence against women and "refrain from invoking any custom, tradition or religious consideration" to avoid the obligation to stop the violence.


Anyway, Sauerbrey said, the positions she took were part of an effort to achieve consensus in a forum where all participants must agree on a final document. In fact, the controversy over halting violence against women disrupted the proceedings and no final statement was issued - for the first time ever. It so happens that the changes pushed by the ayatollahs dovetailed with attempts by American social and religious conservatives who were appointed by the White House as representatives to the UN commission.


Worst. pResident. Ever.

[Thanks to Ampersand over at Alas, A Blog for writing about this.]

29 April 2003

Many Days Late and Never Enough Dollars to go Around

I’m enjoying the wonders of having the Net at my fingertips once again. In doing so, I came across this gem over at Alas, A Blog:
A wondrous Amptoon

Hey! Wednesday is cartoon day at that stie. I wonder what will be there this week....

Late Breaking Update: The cartoonist has asked me to put his drawings to their original size. He thinks that enlarging the image makes it look not as good as it should. Who am I to argue?

A bonus image from the next day:
Another wondrous Amptoon

You gotta see this

Go to the link provided here, and click on the 'Bush vs. Bush' video. This premiered on The Daily show last night and I predict it will be one of the most sought after comedy bits in the next few weeks.

If you have a fast internet connection, it will be a lot better. But it still should be okay, in that choppy, annoyingly clipped way that Internet Video is, when you have a dialup connection. I'd loooooove to find a way to download it to the Funny Farm Central Processor... any gurus wanna help me out on this one?

Late Breaking Update: Here's the link that eveybody else on the blogsphere is using. Which is where you get to when you click on the 'Bush vs. Bush' video after taking my link above.

You have to be able to spell PC in order to follow the directions here at the Funny Farm sometimes...