26 February 2004

How Long Before The Onion Becomes the Paper of Record?

Just asking...

Bush To Cut Deficit From Federal Budget

- President Bush proposed a $2.4 trillion election-year budget Monday that would boost defense spending, redistribute funds among government programs, and cross out the $477 billion deficit entirely.

"Nobody likes making cuts, but the nation's current rate of spending and the decreased tax revenues we've seen since implementing my tax cuts have created a deficit that we can't afford to carry," Bush said in a nationally televised address. "Someone had to have the vision, leadership, and courage to go in and erase that line altogether, no matter how unpopular and impossible that may be."

According to the Congressional Budget Office, the $477 billion deficit is the country's largest ever, easily topping the previous record of $290 billion in 1992. If the budget is approved, however, the deficit will roll down to $0.0 billion.

In the past, critics have accused the Bush Administration of responding to a mounting deficit and the ongoing recession with unsound fiscal policies like cutting taxes for the wealthy. Bush supporters say the deficit cut proves the wisdom of the president's economic plan.

"Bush has taken a brave step, one that was long overdue," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) said. "He has taken charge of the budget problem once and for all, simply by saying 'The deficit stops here.'"

Faced with the difficult choice of either cutting government programs or raising taxes, Bush reportedly arrived at the radical new "deficit-cutting" solution late Sunday night, only hours before he was to announce his budget.

"I was staring at the figure for the deficit, and I decided that it simply could not stand," Bush said. "It was too high. Something had to be done. But Americans have been taxed and taxed. I say 'Enough taxes.' By my estimation, this historical crossing-out of the deficit will save American taxpayers millions, billions, and perhaps even bajillions of dollars."

The president then turned to Section 14-D of the official budget document, where the federal government's total expenditures, the GNP, and the difference between the two were listed. Using a black Sharpie, the president crossed out the third figure, eliminating it entirely.

Bush then held up the newly marked-up page and said, "My fellow Americans, I have solved the federal budget crisis."

The budget is expected to pass through the GOP-controlled Congress with little or no opposition.

"I don't know why I didn't have this idea before," Bush said. "For years, we have tried to control the deficit by eliminating federal programs, lowering taxes for the rich, sending out checks to everybody, and God knows what else. None of us once thought to just draw a line through it."

The Bush plan is not without critics.

"President Bush drew a line through the deficit, yes, and we commend him for that," Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-AR) said. "But that doesn't solve the country's budgetary problems. While he was at it, why didn't he add several zeroes to the end of our GNP?"

Political pundits have been largely impressed by the visionary slash.

"Opinions vary as to what the long-term effects of the deficit cut will be," New York Times columnist Paul Krugman said. "One thing, however, is certain: The growing federal deficit, a Gordian knot that for three years no amount of cutting taxes and spending money could unravel, has been sliced in two by the president's bold, radical new take on the problem."

A CNN/Gallup poll taken immediately after the president's announcement showed that 67 percent of Americans support his decision to draw a black line through the deficit, and thereby eliminate it.

"I'm tired of the tax-and-spend Democrats always talking about adding zeroes to the GNP," said Henry Strom, 40, of Bakersfield, CA. "How about we cross out our debts and get our affairs in order before we start adding zeroes? We need to cut this deficit and stand firm against printing deficits in future budgets, as well."

According to Bush's political advisors, later this week, the president will declare that the U.S. has universal health care.

25 February 2004

A Brilliant Idea From the Democratic Veteran

I saw this over in the domain of Jo Fish. It seems so awesomely brilliant that I thought I would pass it along to all and sundry:

Help a Blogger, Pay it forward.
Jim Capozzola at Rittenhouse Review needs a job. I think there may be a great one out there for him (no, I didn't check with Jim first). If you read the fine blog, Blogging of the President (BOPNews comments), you might have seen that Nancy Pelosi is starting a Blog. Unfortunately, it's being run by a staffer and it seems to be a wee bit out of touch and condescending to those of us in blogtopia, I think...

My name is Tom Manatos, and I have been charged by House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi to work on online and youth outreach.

As I suggested to Mr. Manatos, we are not all young even though we are all on-line. Well, Jim needs a job, and these folks would be greatly aided by a blogger with a clue. If we all send them ummmm....advice about perhaps hiring one of the most thoughtful, incisive and flat-out best bloggers out here, what's it going to hurt? Jim needs a job and they need Jim. Should we give it a shot? Lots of you in blogtopia have way bigger microphones than me...can we get the word out to help one of our own by suggesting Jim? Let's Pay it Forward...

You can email Rep. Nancy Pelosi and tell her about Jim. Here's his email address. I hope this can work out. It just seems like it could be such a win-win.

posted by Jo Fish 00:51 20040224

And, of course, once you get a request like that, from someone you agree with and respect quite a bit, you try to follow through on the request:

To: Rep. Nancy Pelosi

From: The Funny Farm

Re: a suggestion for your weblog

Dear Ms. Pelosi:

I would like to forward you a suggestion from a fellow blogger (Jo Fish at Democratic Veteran) regarding your proposed weblog. I would like to suggest that you consider Jim Capozzola for a position in your organization running and writing that weblog. Jim is a very good writer. He has his own weblog called the Rittenhouse Review, should you wish to view a sample of his work.

Jim also happens to be suffering in the throes of the Bush Depression, and is currently unemployed. It is my understanding that you are currently using one of your junior staffers for this task at present. I have not yet seen your bi-monthly 411 newsletter, and I have no way of evaluating Mr. Manatos skills in running weblogs. I can only tell you that I like what I see over at Jim's blog, he needs a job, he is a really strong voice who is very interested in electing anybody but Bush this November, and some of us who are of similar mind think all parties would benefit, should you choose to utilize his services.

Thank you for taking the time to read this email, as well as considering establishing a web presence. Please take some time to consider enlisting Mr. Capozzola to write for your blog should you choose to start one.


The Funny Farm