26 July 2003

I Thought the Iraqis Were Supposed to be Thankful

According to the Daily Kos, apparently they aren’t as, um, appreciative, as certain pinheads in the BFEE junta currently driving this country in to the ground seem to think they should be.

A number of the major players on the Fashionable Left Bank of BlogistanTM (including all of the usual suspects) have noticed that, once again, under cover of releasing bad news after Chimpy’s done pretending to be pRezNit for another week, the junta has tried to soft-pedal the fact that they are calling in the last line of defense. Which for these clowns happens to be James Baker.

Koresh help us all...

The Funny Farm Pension Restoration Principle and Tax

For be it known that a large number of families have had their savings and life pensions stolen from them by corporate malfeasance, fraud, and embezzlement;

And also, that there are a small but finite number of cases of this type of fraud which have cost this country billions of dollars and millions of jobs.

And also, that there are a lot of people who have paid this cost in lost income and jobs, but very few who are benefitting from the ill-gotten gains from this type of corporate behavior;

And also, that the current government of the United States appears to be concerned about this sort of behavior only if the perpetrators haven’t sent them some of the ill-gotten gains from the corporations who benefit from this malfeasance;

Therefore, we propose that those unlucky souls who have toiled all of their working careers so that high ranking corporate officials can live in luxury for the rest of their lives be given the task of investigating the CEOs who have profited from this fraud;

And also, that all monies collected in this manner be re-distributed to those who have lost their pensions from this situation;

And also, that those responsible for this fraudulent behavior be punished for their illegal behavior by stricter terms of imprisonment with no hope of parole in a maximum security prison, as well as the loss of their possessions and pension benefits.

Proposed here at the Funny Farm this day, the 26th of July, 2003.

Draining the Treasury

...so to speak. Hon - we need more tequila, Grand Marnier, and margarita mix. And I wouldn’t expect too much in the way of rational conversation when you get home from work tomorrow morning unless you like to have unfulfilled expectations, if you know what I mean.

I think it’s time to work on something longer than a couple of sentences again. Back in half an hour or so...

We Have Another Winner! (And another question)

Scratch question Six off the list:
Question Six:
Who are the five main characters in Douglas Adams’ five book trilogy The HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?
Answer: Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, Tricia McMillan, Zaphod Beeblebeox, and Marvin the Paranoid Android

Congratulations to Barry over at Rush Limbaughtomy. He has also managed to be the first to pledge some more dough to the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund - so he gets the first Susan McDougal book as well!

Just a reminder - we still have three decks of Chickenhawk cards available right now, if you are able to answer the trivia questions correctly (nobody has missed yet - my readers is pretty smart!). Questions one, two, and five are still unanswered - and there’s more to come!

Meanwhile, it’s time for question number seven (previous winners, please do not answer this question):

Question Seven:Name seven intelligent races that are written about in the Lord of the Rings novels.

New Brew

...is now available for your consumption. Enjoy, and tell him the Funny Farm sent you!


Well, kids - it’s all downhill from here. That’s right - we are now officially over half way done our blogging for this year’s Blogathon. I hope you’ve been entertained so far. If you have any suggestions for things me to write about over the next twelve hours, feel free to email me and let me know.

We still have two books and four decks of Chickenhawk cards to give away as of right now, with more giveaways in the pipeline. Trivia questions one, two, five and six remain unanswered, in case you’re keeping score at home. Our first book has been offered up for your minimum five dollar pledge to the cause (which you can make by clicking here and sponsoring the Funny Farm).

I think I will be making a pitcher of margaritas to help me get through the night with a smile on my face. Talk to you all again soon!

And So It Begins...

Yes, I am a big fan of Babylon 5, for those of you who recognized that quote. Here’s another rant I didn’t get done in a timely fashion. It’s been languishing in the ‘To Do’ pile for a while. Here ya go...

Welcome to the two scariest years of your life. By 2004, our nation will be hopelessly buried in red ink. The next five generations won’t be able to do anything but keep up the interest payments on the debt...

Tipsy McStagger has his hands on the reins, Koresh help us all, and is of course galloping off madly in all directions. The Drinky McDumbAss Modus OperandiTM is running ahead – and those changes won’t be helping us all to keep the reins on. Unless of course the Dems can filibuster long enough for the impeachment articles to be written and the petition to get enough signatures. You have signed the impeachment petition, haven’t you? I wish we could get a tally on how many people in their own countries, at any one time, would like to have their leader legally removed. How many Brits would try and get Blair out for his warmongering? I don’t even have to mention Canada – they wish they never had to elect anyone at all, and I know that a vote of non-confidence on Chretien would get more than 50% of the eligible votes in a public referendum.

That’s another element of the problem here: as sad as pResident Pinhead is, he’s still shoulders above the rest of the bunch. Well, I should say that the system here is better than anywhere else, as opposed to the Figurehead in Chief.

I hope you manage to make it through to the next scheduled election, and that we’re all fortunate enough to be able to vote in it. Oh yeah - I also hope they’ll actually count the votes this time...

Our Sixth Giveaway

It’s time to offer you, the viewing public, another chance to win a deck of Chickenhawk cards. Just email me the correct answer to the following question (previous winners, please do not answer this question):

Question Six:
Who are the five main characters in Douglas Adams’ five book trilogy The HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

The Big Prize for Today

We have two copies of The Woman Who Wouldn’t Talk by Susan McDougal to give away, one today and one tomorrow. It’s time to let you know that, in order to be awarded these prizes from the Funny Farm, you need to pledge at least five dollars to the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund on our behalf. You can use this link to Sponsor me in the 2003 Blogathon.

Operators are standing by to verify your order. Act now - don’t delay !

Exhibit A

Before I get into the nitty gritty here, a quick update on today's festivities: we're giving away a deck of Chickenhawk cards every other hour for the length of the Blogathon, and a copy of Susan MacDougal's Book The Woman who Wouldn't Talk. We have given awarded two out of six prizes currently available.

Anyways,... this fresh set of lies and hypocrisy speech was recited (cough) by Kommandant Kodpiece upon his return from the cool safari photo op vacation adventure in the nation of Africa (within the speechifying itself, we denote emphasis and Funny Farm obervations this way)

Remarks by the President at Bush-Cheney 2004 Reception
Westin Galleria Houston, Texas 5:55 P.M. CDT

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all very much. It's such an honor to be here. Laura and I are glad to be home. (Applause.) First, let me say it's great to see so many familiar faces. A couple of them scolded me when I was a kid -- I see old -- (laughter.) A lot of the people in this room worked hard to see to it that I became the governor, and I want to thank you all for your continued friendship and your support, I want to thank you for your loyalty to our country, I want to thank you for coming tonight.

This is the first time we've been back to Texas since our trip to Africa. You may recall, we went to a park in Botswana -- (laughter) -- it's where I learned a lot about how our Party's mascot gets it on. (Laughter.)

I want to thank you for all your help. You see, you're laying the groundwork for what is going to be a great fascist one party state national victory in November of 2004. (Applause.)

And we're going to need your cash help. We're going to need your help at the grass-roots level. We're going to need you to strong arm talk to your neighbors and tear down others’ send out the flyers and put up the signs and turn out the Repugnicant vote, and remind people that this message -- the message of this administration is hopeful for every single person making more than $300, 000 a year who lives in this country. (Applause.) And I'm getting ready to rape the treasury even more. (Laughter.) And I'm loosening up the court system so you can pillage without fear of getting called on it. (Laughter.)

But the truth of the matter is, there's plenty of time for politics as long as I waste taxpayers money doing fundraisers. Right now, I'm focused on the corporations’ people's business in Washington, D.C. We have a lot on the agenda. We will continue to work hard to earn the confidence (cough) of all Americans by keeping this nation insecure, and stretched thin militarily strong, and the richest 1% prosperous, and free to walk all over the proles . (Applause.)

And I'm glad Laura is here tonight and still unmedicated enough to understand what’s going on. (Applause.) In my book, she's a fabulous First Lady. (Applause.) And I love her a lot and I hope she loves me a lot for dragging her out of Texas. (Applause.)

I'm also honored to be introduced by Rick Perry. He is the right fall guy to be governor of Texas. (Applause.) They had a good session, because he watched the people's money very closely by scheduling extra legislative sessions to push the Repugnicants’ partisan agenda. He's a good governor, and I'm proud to call him ’Patsy’ "friend." And I appreciate you, Rick. (Applause.)

I want to thank Fred Meyer, the Texas State Finance chairman; and Jeanne Johnson Phillips, and Nancy Kinder for putting on this party tonight. You all did a fantastic job. (Applause.)

I want to thank all who helped. This is a fantastic turnout, and I know it requires a lot of effort to get people to pony up this much cash come -- particularly on a Saturday night. (Laughter.) So I want to thank all those who worked (cough) hard, and I really appreciate your support.

I want to thank my pimp chief enforcrer friend, Tom DeLay, for being here. Congressman DeLay is a thug leader in the House of Representatives. (Applause.) I'm pleased that our Lieutenant Governor, David Dewhurst, is here. Thank you, David, for your leadership. (Applause.) And the Speaker of the House, from Midland, Texas, Tommy Craddick. Thanks, Tom. (Applause.)

And I know we've got two state senators with us, Teel Bivins and Kyle Janek, and state representative Joe Nixon. I appreciate you all coming. (Applause.)

And, finally, I want to thank the Houston Children's Chorus for lending their beautiful voices to this event. (Applause.)

And, finally, the Funny Farm wants to thank pRezNit Moron for filling up so much speechifying with handjobs to his supporters.

In the last two-and-a-half years, our nation has acted decisively to inplement the Fourht Reich confront great challenges. I came to this office to rip everybody off solve problems, not to pass them on to future Presidents and future generations. (cough cough $600billiondeficitin2003alone cough cough)(Applause.) I came to seize power opportunities, instead of consdering the will of the people letting them slip away. We are meeting the tests of our time. (Applause.)

Terrorists declared war on the United States of America (really? I recall no formal declaration of war, except by our pRezNit), and war is what they got. We have captured or killed many key leaders of al Qaeda, and the rest of them know we're on their trail. In Afghanistan and in Iraq, we gave ultimatums to terror regimes and got some new colonies in the Muslim world. Those regimes chose defiance, and those regimes are no more (actually, the Taliban is resurgent in Afghanistan, and Iraq still seems to be somewhat of a problem. But why let facts get in the way of some good electricolution?). (Applause.)

Fifty million people in those two countries once lived under tyranny; today, they live in fear freedom. (Applause.)

Two-and-a-half years ago, our military was not receiving the resources it needed (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough), and morale was beginning to suffer as opposed to these days. We increased the defense budget to prepare for the threats of a new era. And today, no one in the world can question the skill, and the strength, and the spirit of the United States military.A number of questions remain regarding the wisdom of the Toy Soldier in Chief, however. (Applause.)

Two-and-a-half years ago, we inherited an economy in recession (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough). And then the attacks on our country, and scandals in corporate America that my corporate sponsors have gotten away with, and unjustified war affected the people's confidence. But we acted in the interests of the nation’s elite. We passed tough new laws to hold corporate criminals to account and then forgot to enforce them for those of you who contributed enough to our coffers. And to get the economy going again, we have twice led the United States Congress to pass historic elits cash grabs tax relief for the richest of the American people. (Applause.)

We know that when rich Americans have more take-home pay to spend, to save, or to hide under the mattress invest, the whole economy grows, and connected people are more likely to find a job. We understand whose money we spend in Washington, D.C. It is not the corporation’s government's money. It is the poor, unconnected people's money. And it sure as hell will never be our own!(Applause.)

We are returning more money to the rich people to help them raise their families. We are reducing taxes on dividends and capital gains to encourage investment by the elite. We're giving small businesses incentives to buy new Hummers expand and hire new people at slave wages. With all these actions, we are laying the foundation for greater prosperity for the elite and more patronage jobs across America so that every single rich person in this country can realize the American Dream without having to worry about any of those poor people. (Applause.)

Two-and-a-half years ago, there was a lot of talk about education reform. But there wasn't much action (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough) . So I called for and Congress passed the No Child Left Behind Act. With a solid bipartisan majority, we delivered the most dramatic education reforms in a generation and then denied the funds we promised to put it into action . We're bringing high standards and strong accountability measures to every single public school in America and forcing them to waste even more money following them. We believe that every child (no smart remarks, please. And keep it to one syllable words, okay?) can learn the basics of reading and math, and we expect every school to teach the basics of reading and math. (Applause.)

We are challenging the soft bigotry of low expectations. The days of excuse-making are over (I particularly like this one, after spending so much time blaming everything on the last guy). We expect results in every classroom, so that not one single child in America is left behind. (Applause.)

We screwed up reorganized the government and created a MiniPax Department of Homeland Security to safeguard our borders and ports, and to give the false impression that we can better protect the American people. We passed trade promotion authority to open new markets for America's entrepreneurs and farmers and ranchers. We passed a budget agreement that is helping to maintain spending discipline in Washington, D.C. (another beaut of a whopper. Spending discipline, when you have created the single largest annual deficit in American history? I don’t think so!) On issue after issue, this administration has acted on principle (cough), has lied every time it makes an official statement kept its word and has made progress (cough) for the richest of the American people. (Applause.)

The United States Congress has capitulated to my imperialist agenda shared in these great achievements, and I appreciate the abject grovelling hard work of the members of the Congress. I appreciate being able to work (cough cough neverworkedadayinhislife cough cough) with Speaker Hastert and Leader DeLay and Senator Frist, and ignore the pink tutu Democrats . And we will continue to push through our partisan right wing agenda work together to change the tone in Washington, D.C., by ignoring focusing on the people's business and by ignoring reality focusing on results.

And that's the nature of the men and women I have asked to serve in my regime administration. I have put together a really fine administration of convicted felons, cheats, and embezzlers on behalf of the American people. Our country has had no finer Vice President than Dick Cheney. (Applause.) Mother may have a different thought. (Laughter.)

In two-and-a-half years we have stolen much come far, but our theft work is only beginning. We have great goals worthy of this nation. First, America is committed to extending its influence to the four corners of the Earth the realm of freedom and peace for our own security, and for the benefit of the world. And, second, in our own country, we must work for a society of prosperity and compassion for my fat cat puppeteers , so that every rich citizen has a chance to work and succeed and realize the great profit promise of ripping off our country.

It is clear that the future of freedom and peace depend on the actions of America. This nation is freedom's home and freedom's defender. We welcome this charge of history, and we are keeping it. (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough)

Our unjustified and illegal war on terror continues. The enemies of freedom are not idle, and neither are we. This country will not rest, we will not tire, and we will not stop until all dissenting opinions are stamped out this danger to civilization is removed. (Applause.)

Yet, our national interest involves more than eliminating aggressive threats to our security. Our greatest security comes from the advance of human liberty, because free nations do not support terror (cough cough UzbekistanSaudiArabia cough cough). Free nations do not attack their neighbors, they invade nations on the other side of the world. Free nations do not threaten the world with weapons of mass terror (cough cough world’slargestnucleararsenal cough cough).

Americans believe that freedom is the deepest need and hope of every human heart. And we believe that freedom is the right of every person and the future of every nation that chooses to comply with our demands. (Applause.)

America also understands that unbridled power unprecedented influence allows me to do whatever the hell I want brings tremendous responsibilities. We have tithes duties in the world. And when we see disease and starvation and hopeless poverty, we will not turn away once we get paid enough. On the continent of Africa, America is now bringing the healing power of medicine to millions of men, and women, and children now suffering with AIDS. One of these days, we might even help pay for it. This great land is leading the world in this incredibly important work of equity redistribution human rescue.

We face challenges at home, as well - especially since it has become painfully obvious that we lie our asses off anytime we speak. And our actions will prove that we are equal to those challenges. I will continue to work (cough) on our economy until everybody who wants to work and who cannot find a job today is able to do so - as long as they’re willing to work for slave wages. (Applause.)

We have a duty to keep our commitment to America's seniors by strengthening and modernizing Medicare, but since I have shirked every duty I have been presented with, it ain’t gonna happen. Recently, the Congress took historic action to steal from improve the pensions lives of older Americans. For the first time since the creation of Medicare, the House and the Senate have passed reforms to increase payouts choices for our seniors and to provide overpriced coverage for prescription drugs. The next step is for both Houses to capitulate to my whims work out their differences and to get a good bill to my desk as soon as possible. (Applause.)

For the sake of our health care system, we need to cut down on the frivolous lawsuits which increase the cost of medicine (cough cough revisionisthistory cough cough) . (Applause.) I appreciate the very fine work of the Governor and the Lieutenant Governor and the Speaker for passing real, meaningful medical liability reform here in the state of Texas and denying benefits to thousands of poor people. (Applause.)

The State Representative Nixon, who is here with us today, was the author of that bill, and I appreciate your hard work, Joe. (Applause.)

Look, we understand a person who has been harmed by a bad doctor deserves his or her day in court. Yet, the system should not reward lawyers who are fishing for rich settlements. Because frivolous lawsuits can’t be tapped by the Repugnicant Party drive up the cost of health care, they affect the federal budget much less than the cash I’m giving back to you rich supporters. Therefore, medical liability reform is a national issue that requires a national solution that we can get some earnings from. The House of Representatives has passed a fine bill. It is stuck in the United States Senate. The Senate must act on behalf of the American citizens or I’ll truck ‘em off to Gitmo. (Applause.)

I have a responsibility as President to make sure the judicial system is fixed so I can get appointed again if need be runs well. And I have met that duty. I have nominated superb men and women, like Priscilla Owen,over and over again, to the federal courts. (Applause.) People who will interpret the law, not legislate from the bench.

Some members of the Senate are trying to keep my nominees off the bench by locking up or down votes from the party who now ignores blue slips when they feel it suits their purposes. Every judicial nominee deserves a fair hearing and an up or down vote in the Senate floor, over and over again, until they get appointed. It is time for some of those members in the Senate to stop playing politics with American justice. (Applause.)

The Congress needs to pass a comprehensive energy plan that the oil companies approve of. Our nation must promote energy efficiency and conservation by buying lots of SUVs, and continue to develop technology so we can explore in a more environmentally friendly way. But for the sake of our corporate pimps economic security, and for the sake of our national security, we must be less dependant on foreign sources of energy in any country we can’t conquer by force of arms. (Applause.)

Our strong and prosperous nation must also be a compassionate nation (cough cough Pleasedon’tkillme! cough cough). I will continue to advance our agenda of screwing the poor compassionate conservatism, applying the best and most innovative ideas to the task of helping our fellow citizens in need. There are still millions of men and women who want to end their dependence on government and become independent through hard work, and are ready to do anything we want to earn a starvation wage. We must build on the success of welfare reform to bring work and dignity into the lives of more of our fellow citizens as long as there’s a buck to be made.

Congress should give me whatever I want complete the Citizen Service Act to encourage more Americans to serve their communities and their country without us having to worry about paying them. And both Houses should reach agreement on my faith-based initiative (cough cough separationofchurchandstate cough cough) to support the armies of compassion that are mentoring our children, and caring for the homeless, and offering hope to the addicted as long as they accept our religious beliefs. (Applause.)

A compassionate society must promote opportunity for all, including the independence and dignity that come from ownership by the elite. My administration will constantly strive to promote an ownership society in America for the elite.

We want more people owning their own home. We want our fellow citizens to own and manage their own health care plan and pay our sponsors in the health care industry huge undeserved fees, and to own and manage their own retirement accounts. We want more of our citizens, our entrepreneurs to own their own small business. We understand that when a person owns something, he or she has a vital stake in the future of our country, and we have them exactly where we want them. (Applause.)

In a compassionate society, people respect one another, and take responsibilities for the decisions they make (cough). We're changing the culture of America from one that has said, if it feels good, do it, and if you've got a problem, blame somebody else, to one in which each of us understands we are responsible for the decisions we make in life (another beaut from someone who started blaming the previous office holder for everything, including 9-11).

If you are a mom or a dad, if you're fortunate enough to be a mom or a dad, it is you who is responsible for loving your child. If you're concerned about the quality of the education in the community in which you live, you are responsible for doing something about it. If you're a CEO in America, you have the responsibility to tell the truth to your shareholders and your employees . But don’t worry - we will make sure you don’t have to. (Applause.)

And in this new responsibility society, each of us is responsible for loving a neighbor just like we'd like to be loved ourselves. We can see the culture of service and responsibility growing around us. I started the USA Freedom Corps to encourage Americans to extend a compassionate hand to neighbors in need, and the response has been fantastic.

As I travel our country at taxpayer expense, I also see the vibrancy of many of the faith-based organizations, the neighborhood con men healers that are concerned about saving lives. I also know that policemen and fire fighters and people who wear our nation's uniform are reminding us, once again, what it means to sacrifice for something greater than ourselves without us having to pay for it. Our children believe in heros because they see them in the unemployment line everyday.

In these challenging times, the world has seen the resolve and the courage of America. And I've been privileged to take advantage of see the compassion and character of the American people. All the tests of the last two-and-a-half years have come to the right nation . Sorry I’ve failed them all.

We are a strong country, and we use that strength to bully other nations defend the peace. We're an opportunistic optimistic country, confident in ourselves and in ideals bigger than ourselves. Abroad, we seek to rape lift whole nations by spreading fear and terror freedom. At home, we seek to lift up lives by spreading opportunity to every corner of America who's willing to pay us protection money.

This is the work that history has set before us. We welcome it. And we know that for our country, and for our cause, the best days lie ahead.

May God bless America. Thank you all. (Applause.)

END 6:19 P.M. CDT

More Congratulations

We would like to take this time to congratulate BartCop Entertainment on the occasion on their second year of existence here on the Fashionable Left Bank of BlogistanTM. And show you a picture worth much more than a thousand words:

Spot the Difference

Our Fifth Giveaway

Once again, we have another deck of Chickenhawk cards for the first person who can email me the correct answer to the following question (and for the first time, we have to add this disclaimer - previous winners, please do not answer this question):

Question Five:
What’s the largest organ in the body?

Our First Contest Winners!

Well, we finally have someone who responded to one of our little skull toasting questions. Trivia questions five three and four have been correctly answered.

Question Five Three
What was the name of Frank Zappa’s band? the Mothers of Invention
What are the names of his four children? Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, Diva
Name at least five three of the guitarists that played with the band at one time or another. the ones listed by our winner were: Warren Cuccurullo, Steve Vai, and Dweezil Zappa.

Question Four:
There are four people, besides, Al Franken, on the proposed cover of his new book, Lies, and the Lying Liars who Tell Them. Name them.
George DumbAss Bush, Pencil Dick Cheney, Ann Thraxx Coulter, and Bill O’Really?

Congratulations to ZeeGee and Joni for participating. More fun to come!

This Works for Me on So Many Levels

Time for some cartoons:

Chretien’s condo
Least favorite household chores
Only in Canada?

Our Fourth Giveaway

Question Four:
There are four people, besides, Al Franken, on the proposed cover of his new book, Lies, and the Lying Liars who Tell Them. Name them.

Blogging in a Vacuum

Well, here it is, my fourth attempt at giving away something (currently available for $19.95 retail, and $14.95 over the net). So far I have had exactly zero responses. (I counted them twice). I will still soldier on, optimistic as always about the spirit of my fellow man (cough).

And I’m still thinking about what to ask you next. Even though no one so far has participated, I am confident that someone will. So stay tuned, both of you, and we’ll try and think of something to test you with once again.

The Answer Remains the Same

Once again, I present you with something from the archives. It never managed to make it to your perview, ladies and gentlemen until right now.

So, without further ado:

So many questions – what is going on in the White House? Why did we go to war in the first place? There seem to be so many conflicting theories these days on this and so many other weighty matters which feel – at least, to me – like they are impacting my personal life with great intensity of late.

Should we be mixing Church and State? Which, by the way, is a rhetorical question for me. I thought that matter had been settled quite some time ago in the United States, when the Constitution of the was written. I read it myself. But, it seems that some people are reconsidering that decision of late. Once again, among so many other decisions. All so very important to the whole concept that is embodied in the writings of America’s Founding Fathers: many disparate cultures coming together in mutual respect for one another’s differences. Should we respect those differences, or should everyone espouse the same philosophy on these issues?

Can we trust each other to do the right thing anymore? I personally believe that the greatest tragedy of the last fifty years has been the loss of common courtesy in our everyday dealings with our fellow man. A sense of forced politeness seems to be in force all too often when an attempt at civility shows up in our lives these days – and it is showing up less and less. No one is willing to show respect to another. Making sure our own personal wants are satisfied seems, to me, to be a much stronger motivator for my fellow man in today’s world. Let me be clear: I have no problem with someone achieving their dreams. But, should they do it by taking advantage of their fellow members of humanity?

Is any political or economic system ever going to work for humankind? Theocracies seem to be in vogue these days. Dictatorships and totalitarian regimes could be faltering in the near future. At least we seem to have been promised that there will be one less in the near future. Or have we? Can we trust any statements made by any politicians ever again? And, can we ever trust that businesses will act responsibly and professionally?

Yes, I am very glad I have a few of these mostly ready to go...

Lucky Thirteen

I have become interested in a number of things along the way to being a relatively successful 42 year old computer programmer. One of the latest is a little thing called biodiesel. Basically, you can take vegetable oil (new and/or used), and turn it into diesel fuel to run your vehicles (if you follow the recipes, the finished product can be poured right into the tank of any diesel made after 1990 or so. The ones before that might need some new hoses, but no modifications to the engine). Amazingly enough (because they can’t get their hooks into it completely), this has been somewhat, um, ignored by the powers that be.

Anything from pure (100%) biodiesel to a blend with regular diesel (as an example, B20 is 20% biodiesel) can be run. Anything over B10 is much better for the environment and the engine - biodiesel has better lubricity, and so helps avoid engine wear.

I only mention this right now because (i) I can’t think of anything else to talk about right now and the clock is ticking; and (ii) I received an email the other day from Josh Tickell, the Patron Saint of Biodiesel. He’s going to be in San Francisco tonight. Here’s a little more information, directly from Josh himself:

Greetings Biodiesel Supporters!

Normally I wouldn't send out more than one letter per month, but I have three exciting newsbreaks to share with you:

#1) I AM HOSTING OUR SAN FRANCISCO EVENT TONIGHT at 7pm at Cellspace, 2050 Bryant Street, San Francisco, CA 94110, ph: 415-244-3622. We have new items for the fundraiser - another new short film, "Grease", and exclusive video clips of our upcoming documentary, "Fields of Fuel." I still need help with the following (all helpers get free tickets): a) a brighter (1200 lumen) video projector for the eve.- (cellspace has skylights and ours is 600 lumens) b) a tech-type person to run the lights and mics (I can teach you - you just have to be savvy) c) setup/breakdown helpers To help, call me at 1-877-VEGI-VAN or email me

#2)THE NEW WEBSITE IS UP !!! - Join our new discussion board, enter your company information for the American Biodiesel Locator (ABL) - a map of all US biodiesel resources, see our new products, and have a look at our new film. Please email all site bugs to me at Tickell@VeggieVan.org

#3) THE VEGGIE VAN VOYAGE DVD IS HERE! A DVD with my short film and interview that reveals the never-before seen cross-country adventures of the Veggie Van. Get your copy today for $19.95 through secure online ordering at http://www.joshuatickell.com/products/filmsvideos. WANT A COPY FOR FREE? The first 50 people who fill out our new online biodiesel survey will get a DVD for FREE! Winners announced on www.VeggieVan.org as soon as we have 50 responses at http://www.veggievan.org/phorm/survey.html target.

I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible tonight in San Francisco or next week in Salt Lake City, UT! Thank you!

Joshua Tickell, Founder The Veggie Van Organization "Creating positive social change through action-oriented education about biodiesel fuel" Tickell@VeggieVan.org / www.VeggieVan.org 1-877-VEGI-VAN / 1000 Bourbon St. #354 New Orleans, LA 70116

12 Down, 36 To Go

Well, this is post number twelve in the series. Hopefully I’m not babbling too much about this and that (cough cough contestprizes2giveaway cough cough), and managing to entertain you somewhat.

I am somewhat surprised and happy to let you know that I now have five sponsors for a total of $178 for the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund. Thank you very much for your contributions! We will be announcing some contributions of our own to others joining the festivities today - mainly in the form of additional pledges by the Funny Farm - later on in the program. In the meantime, let me say thanks to zappagirl, my good friend Keith Green, our own sometime contributor Snoozy Q, and a couple of mystery donors! Didn’t I tell you there would be some mystery here today?

Meanwhile, Bob Harris, the voice of Sparky the Wonder PenguinTM (among many, many other things) brings us this choice picture of the Shrubbery signing an American flag:

Drinky McDumbAss defaces the flag

Why does pRezNit Drunken Cokehead Deserter hate America so much?

Our Fifth Third Giveaway

Question Five Three (in five three parts):
Since we are sponsoring something in his memory and all:
What was the name of Frank Zappa’s band?
What are the names of his four children?
Name at least five three of the guitarists that played with the band at one time or another.

We still have no weiners winners for any of the fantabulous prizes available here today! Your mission, should you choose to accept it - go read the previous posts until you have found the questions, and then email me with the correct answer(s).

Well, what are you waiting for! Get busy, people...

Today’s First Funny Farm Feature

Rush Limbaughtomy has put together an interesting set of links to articles regarding the insanely huge profits the corpo-weasels running the government connected to the BFEE are making with our tax dollars. Thanks, Putsch!

Still trying to keep up enough to make coherent posts every half hour. It’s not as easy as it seems. Unless I want to try the one word every half hour option. Which seems particularly Shrub like here at the Funny Farm.

Still no award winners to proclaim to the heavens. It’s so tough out there, -
(how tough is it?)
- hookers are giving away toasters!

And I still can't give away some Chickenhawk cards. Come on, people!

Wandering Around the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan

I’ve finally managed to catch up (cough) enough (many have stated that I’m either twenty years ahead of things, or twenty behind, but I digress...) to be able to look around the web sites I try to check out on a daily basis. I haven't made it everywhere yet, but I've already seen Atrios for now - which as most know is a full time occupation. They keep on finding so much stuff to look at, that they are sometimes considered one of the best independent media sources in America today. So I'll probably go back there in the middle of the night and catch up again. It's well worth the visit...

My compatriot in the Blogathon, Jesse Taylor, is of course doing a wonderful job over at Pandagon today. Check it out if you don’t believe me! Go on, I double dares ya!

Jesse, if you are managing to be one of the few, the proud - the Funny Farm readership! (at least for today), you don’t have to answer any of our trivia questions today. A deck of Chickenhawk Cards is already set aside for you, my friend - just for inspiring the Funny Farm to participate in the festivities today!

And of course I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that there are still two - yes, two! - decks of Chickenhawk cards available to lucky and informed readers. So far!

Time to grab a quick bite. Back in a bit...

The Farmer Takes on Ann Thraxx

Some people don’t like the farmer. They say he’s much too wordy for us sound bitten people who are busy busy busy trying to get through this thing called life.

Maybe you should go taste his latest dose of mind candy, where he roasts Ann Thraxx Coulter over a fire of her own devising. You can click here and be transported instantly to this gem. Then you can decide on your own if it’s worth the extra five minutes to read something that might change your outlook on life. Rock on, brother!

Our Second Giveaway

Before I get into the nitty gritty here, a quick update on today's festivities: we're giving away a deck of Chickenhawk cards every other hour for the length of the Blogathon, and a copy of Susan MacDougal's Book The Woman who Wouldn't Talk on both calendar dates we'll be blogging for charity. And now, for something completely different, our Second Giveaway Trivia Question:

Question Two (in two parts):
Who are the Pirahna Brothers, and what was the name of the skit by Monty Python’s Flying Circus that featured their story?

Last Night’s Real Time with Bill Maher

It is interesting to see the changes in the format that were shown to us last night. Gone was the standup comic from the zone. Gone were the audience participation segments. Just three guests and Bill talking about the things nearest and dearest to the AmeriKKKan soul. Too much focus on morality and sex and the flavor of the month, Kobe Bryant, Bill. Although, considering the guest list (which no one has yet correctly identified, by the way. In case you might want to, like, email me the answer or something, eh?), I suppose it might have been appropriate. But there were many more important things, among them Iraq, which of course you were steering clear of because of the pressure on you from outside sources (cough cough BFEE cough cough) - and they contained more than enough sanctimonious kimchee from the junta to press moral points with the representative of the lunatic right wing of the Repugnicant Party you entertained us with last night.

Besides yourself (representing the moderate right wing of the Repugnicant Party), that is. The whole Liberia issue should have been developed much better than it was. We’ll probably get into that later, but for now - time to post again! Back in a bit...

Our Featured Giveaway

I do believe these people are away on honeymoon. But in the meantime, the Funny Farm would like to give you a little more information about the business responsible for bringing the Chickenhawks deck to the market:


Press Contact: press@nitestar.com


(LOS ANGELES, CA.) Nitestar Productions Inc. has released "The Deck of Republican Chickenhawks", a deck of playing cards intended as political satire of the "Iraqi Deck of Death" produced by the U.S. Pentagon to aid stationed troops in Iraq identify the most wanted and notorious members of the Saddam Hussein regime. Inspired – and angered -- by websites with a pro-conservative, pro-war slant, Nitestar president and film director Jerry Vasilatos and his wife and co-creator Lisa decided that pro-war Republicans needed to be called to the mat about their own lack of armed service records. The website, at: www.chickenhawkcards.com, has already had over 50,000 visitors and over 1,000 orders placed, many for multiple decks.

"It was distressing to me how conservative websites with similar card decks suggest anyone with a dissenting opinion of the war or this administration is unpatriotic. So I decided the conservatives should swallow a little of what they're dishing out," creator Vasilatos says. "Those who have served in armed combat, Secretary of State Colin Powell for example, are usually interested in pursuing diplomatic solutions before rallying for war. Conservatives like the ones depicted in the deck I created have never, ever enlisted in the armed services or put themselves in harm’s way to show their support of a war. Yet they seemingly have no qualms about the American troops or civilian casualties who will suffer as a result of the military action they support."

Vasilatos explains that the deck was also inspired by the roster kept at the New Hampshire Gazette newspaper at: www.nhgazette.com/chickenhawks.html, which keeps tab on Republican politicians and pundits who have never served in armed combat. What exactly is a chickenhawk? According to the webpage's definition: A ‘chickenhawk’ has three qualities: bellicosity (a warlike manner or temperament), public prominence, and a curious lack of wartime service when others their age had no trouble finding the fight. The fact that they're almost all Republicans is ... well, curious, don't you think?

Feedback from visitors to the site has been very positive and supportive. "When the website went live, we simply posted a few messages on some political message boards announcing we were online. From there, word spread like wildfire." Vasilatos continues. "It's very encouraging to know that there are so many other people out there -- labeled by this administration as being in ‘the minority’— who also question our elected officials and their motives, especially given that no weapons of mass destruction have been found yet in Iraq.

6671 Sunset Boulevard, Suite #1509-104, Los Angeles, CA 90028. (323) 468-8089
Fax: 323-468-8094 E-Mail: jvasilatos@nitestar.com Website: www.nitestar.com

Vasilatos wonders whether our nation's credibility might be the most significant casualty of all. Our reputation as a world leader has been damaged in the international community. So many unsettling questions remain: For example, those satellite pictures Colin Powell showed to the U.N. of all the weapons sites -- Where are the weapons sites they were monitoring now? Did they just turn the satellite cameras off after the war started? Did they forget to track trucks or other vehicles that were supposedly moving them, if in fact they ever existed to begin with? These are exactly the kinds of questions that the conservatives identified in our card set -- who supported and rallied for war-- won't address, nor will they acknowledge these issues needs to be examined.

Vasilatos seems to have hit a nerve across the board: Conservatives have also deluged the website with e-mail accusing the creators of being anti-American and supportive of Saddam Hussein.

"It's laughable, not to mention libelous," Vasilatos notes, "to suggest that because you have an opposing view, you are unpatriotic and automatically support a despot like Hussein. They say that this is the greatest country in the world and you should leave if you feel differently. I agree that this is the greatest country in the world… but there’s always room for improvement. Especially in our elected officials. We cannot afford to rest on our laurels and not question their integrity or agendas. I think the facts we’ve provided on these playing cards illustrates that. To quote President Teddy Roosevelt: "Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that, by inefficiency or otherwise, he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else."

Vasilatos feels that the Iraqi war has squandered time and precious resources in the real, more pressing war on terrorism and against Al Qaeda, as evidenced by the recent surge of terror alerts out of Washington this past month and current questions regarding the President's State of the Union misstatments regarding weapons of mass destruction. He hopes the website's statement will help voters educate themselves before the next election.

"The cards are not just a novelty item: It's our way of identifying the politicians and pundits who don't think twice about sending others into battle, while having avoided armed service themselves. These people have a responsibility to the American people as public servants and broadcasters. Yet they are politicizing war instead of focusing on other important issues like our ailing economy, lost jobs, record deficits, corporate misdeeds, and the health care crisis. These cards expose their backgrounds, with quotes from those depicted. I discovered lots of fascinating information in researching these people, and have incorporated it into the deck. Maybe if the cards circulate and gain exposure, enough people will have a useful checklist of who to vote AGAINST next election. And people may realize which pundits and journalists have their own agenda, instead of acting as objective, unbiased commentators in the spirit of Walter Cronkite, rather than Matt Drudge."

Nitestar Productions, Inc. is a multi-media production company based in Los Angeles. For more information, contact Nitestar at: 323-468-8089.

Our First Prize Giveaway of the Day

Okay, here we go...

The first person to email me with the correct answer to Trivia Question Number 1 wins a brand new deck of Chickenhawk cards! All you have to do is tell me who the three guests were last night (July 25, 2003) on Real Time with Bill Maher.

I’m hoping to kill two birds with one stone here. If you can get the answer back to me before 11, I’ll announce your name (and your Blogathon efforts too, should you have any, hint hint hint) here before Noon.

A Modern Moderate Proposal

I wrote this after transcribing a whole bunch of rancid kimchee spewed out by AmeriKKKa’s favorite bloated gasbag, Rush Limbaugh. It would benefit those poor unfortunates who have had to deal with the disgusting crap emanating from this fat cat’s orifices lo these many years...

Cut out the elite cash grab, and give some tax relief to everybody. Make Rush Pigboy Limbaugh (R-Lying Nazi Media Whore) pay $200 to every non ditto monkey for having to deal with the effects of his inane prattle for all these years, and fine him $500 for every lie he tells on the air, and $1,000 for everyone he squelches on the mike. Put the money in a relief fund for those ‘downsized’ during the time his fat ass has been collecting a lot of ca$h for making fun of them. Shake down Kenny Boy and all the rest of the elite who are sponsoring the current fiscal insanity, and help out the millions who have not been able to find work.

And, spare us the ‘compassionate conservative’ ballyhoo. Or the ‘mandate’ balderdash. pRezNit Stole Himself an Election needs to make sure us proles don’t get much more pissed than we already are. I’m thinking that, right now, our upside is: we don’t have to lug out our own belongings and hand them over to the BFEE. What a deal Can I get beat up and thrown in prison, too?

One of the Three MillionTM

It’s time to tell you once again about some fuzzy math that pRezNit CrotchStrap doesn’t want you to know:

U.S. population = 291,609,138

The top 1% of the wage earners in the United States control approximately 21% of the wealth generated (income) each year - and that’s not counting wealth already accumulated (just the income it earns for its’ owner each year).

1% of the U.S. population = approximately 3 million people.

I am guesstimating that the proportion of the population directly supported by wage earners is roughly equivalent to the percentages in income distribution; in other words, the person earning $500,000 a year is directly supporting approximately just as many people as the person making $14,400 a year.

So, here at the Funny Farm, we’d like to know - are you one of the Three Million? And, if you are, how come you're not already sponsoring this blog in the Blogathon?

And They’re Off!

Okay, kids - time to start this Blogathon thing off. I’ll be attempting to post once every half hour for the next twenty four hours.

I would also like to announce that we are giving away stuff over the course of the next twenty four hours. For starters, we have a dozen decks of Chickenhawk cards that will be awarded, once I can figure out some skull toasting quizzes for you all. The are also two copies of Susan McDougal’s book The Woman Who Wouldn’t Talk which will be handed out (one per calendar day).

I see that it is time for this to go out to you, my faithful minions. Hope you enjoy the festivities! Drop by intermittently during the day and check out the action!

Back in a half an hour...

25 July 2003

The Last of the Shameless Plugs

The Blogathon is now less than 24 hours away. As of 730 EDT, we have 541 participants; 2092 sponsors; and $59,238.94 pledged. Those are very encouraging numbers IMHO. It would be really cool if we could find some of those rich Hollywood liberals to pledge huge amounts of cash to some of the many worthy causes out there.

Plus, you don’t have to worry about any of us grabbing the money and running, figuratively speaking, because you deal directly with the charity involved. Us bloggers is only here to inspire and entertain you for the day.

Here at the Funny Farm we have been, um, inspired, to increase the degree of difficulty and engage in our usual random guerilla blogging this weekend. So we’re taking this blog and pony show on the road!

We’re also anxiously awaiting some guest posting(s) from the Great White North. Brother Joman, the time is now, should you wish to contribute. And, please send it to this email addy so’s I can pick it up from the remote locations I will be blogging from.

And finally, can you find it in your heart to sponsor this blog in the upcoming festivities? You’ll be glad you did!

24 July 2003

Yet Another Shameless Plug

The Blogathon is only 2 days away! It sure would be nice to have some more sponsors.

Can you find it in your heart to sponsor this blog in the upcoming festivities?

23 July 2003

Bush Whores Frothing at the Mouth

You might imagine that anyone over on the conservative side of the fence is tap dancing all over the graves of the martyred Sons of Saddam today. Amazingly enough, they seem to want to flay alive anyone who doesn’t agree with them 150%. Metro Detroit’s shining star of the Fashionable Left Bank of Blogistan, Hesiod, is one of their targets of choice today. Take a look at what he has to say about their reaction to his doubts on whether this was another staged event. The go to each one of those sites in his post (warning: not to be viewed on a full stomach) – no, I won’t link to the Clueless One, Gross Little Frelltards, InstaCracker, or Sullying the Profession of Journalism - and take a look at what they consider to be reasoned debate. Look in their comments sections to see that, yes indeed, they are the more rational elements on the Repugnicant side (they actually use complete sentences!).

It is entirely reasonable to doubt anything coming from Drinky McDumbAss and the God SquadTM these days, if by these days you mean every moment the Shrubbery has been in power. There is also far more evidence of a Wag the Dog type of operation today than there was during the Clinton years. It is also true that this was pretty much the worst way we could have gotten rid of these villians. Valuable information might have been contained in those noggins. But we’ll never know now. And their story can now be spun into a martyr legend to attract more idiots terrorists to their cause.

I do believe that each of the websites mentioned in these inflammatory attacks as being not enthusiastic enough about their murder has stated that is a good thing that these thugs were finally taken out. They just have some concerns about the timing, and methodology, of the taking out. They seem to be making much more reasoned arguments, and backing up their arguments with valid details, than those who accused Clinton of doing the same sort of thing when he was legally elected president. There is also significantly more to be distracted about now – since every single aspect of this country has gone into the crapper since pResident CrotchStrap usurped power. So the hypothesis that the junta staged this event to distract us from their thuggery has enough merit to be considered. And, that’s what Hesiod, Eschaton, and Kos, among many others, are doing - considering the possibility. They are willing to admit it if they’re wrong (they have done so in the past). Which is the exact opposite of the behavior of the neanderthals on the other side of the debate.

I personally think these little details lend credibility to the hypothesis:

-The Media Whores were finally showing some cojones, and inquiring into the possibility that Stole Himself an Election might not be, um, entirely truthful about everything a few things;

-Mr. Never Worked a Day in His Life was slipping into never-never land in the polls that he never bases any policy moves on (Cough);

-A number of possibly impeachable (if not criminal jail-type offenses) that may have been committed by the Thug Cabal were being discussed (at long last); and

-pResident Do as I Say, Not as I Do’s pet poodle is slowly being roasted on the spit of the British press.

And, yes, if we impeached the last guy for lying about a blow job he didn’t get from his spouse, the ruinous behavior of this bunch of clowns deserves at least as much scrutiny.

That is, if we’re still concerned with things like justice, ethics, and morality in America anymore...

Wag the Dog 2003

The Media Whores have breathlessly announced that we have martyred killed the sons of Saddam. After a four hour firefight, where 200 American soldiers were kept at bay by 4 Iraqis. Man, that house must have been full of ammo! And off in the back, too, where they wouldn't get shot while reloading – but not too far back – so that they could keep shooting for four hours. And the troops must have left all of their non-lethal munitions (like tear gas) that might have allowed them to subdue, but not kill, these people, at home. I suppose they must need it for all those protesters...

By a strange coincidence, there were a number of reports yesterday that somebody in the badministration blew the cover of a covert CIA operative because her husband dared to expose the corruption and hypocrisy of the junta. And Drinky McDumbAss has slipped to death-knell levels in the polls (that his handlers he never looks at).

And the California Democrats are shown to be almost as cynical, opportunistic, and unconcerned about their constituents as the Repugnicants are nationally.

And this means what? Here at the Funny Farm, we think it means that pResident Stole Himself an Election is starting to be able to read the writing on the wall, and like the spoiled brat he is, he’s destroying everything in sight in a temper tantrum. Maybe he’s pissed because he might have to be disturbed during his annual month off...

22 July 2003


I see that I have another sponsor for the Blogathon coming up this weekend. Thanks very much for helping the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund get a few more books in the hands of needy readers!

Anyone who sponsors this blog in the upcoming festivities should also feel free to send an email to the Funny Farm and suggest topics for me to write about. I’m not guaranteeing that I will write about your topic, but I will take it into consideration.

Won’t you shake the change out of your old fruit jar, and see if you have enough to sponsor me during Saturday’s festivities? You’ll be glad you did...

Brownshirt Alert

Guess who’s concerned that they have been , um, misrepresented, in a new ad (that most of us here in the Fashionable Left Bank of BlogistanTM have already seen)?

Could it be the same people that spent millions of dollars of taxpayer money on a couple of ads saying that marijuana will cause your teenage daughter to get pregnant and you to see the ghosts of those you murdered when you bought that dime bag?

Could it be the same people who wasted more taxpayer money (I want to say millions, but since we have no proof of the numbers, and we believe in accuracy here at the Funny Farm, we decided against it) on a photo op for Commander Codpiece saying ‘Mission Accomplished’?

Could it be the same people who ran, um, misleading (cough) ads against Vietnam War Veterans Max Cleland and John McCain?

Let’s hear what they have to say:

Dear Station Manager:

It has come to our attention that your station will begin airing false and misleading advertisements on July 21, 2003, paid for by the Democratic National Committee. The advertisement in question misrepresents President George W. Bush's January 28, 2003, State of the Union address. The advertisement states that President Bush said, "Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." In fact, President Bush said, "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." By selectively quoting President Bush, the advertisement is deliberately false and misleading. Furthermore, the British government continues to stand by its intelligence and asserts that it believes the intelligence is genuine.

The Democratic National Committee certainly has a legitimate First Amendment right to participate in political debate, but it has no right to willfully spread false information in a deliberate attempt to mislead the American people. These advertisements will not be run by legally qualified candidates; therefore, your station is under no legal obligation to air them. On the contrary, as an FCC licensee you have the responsibility to exercise independent editorial judgment to not only oversee and protect the American marketplace of ideas, essential for the health of our democracy, but also to avoid deliberate misrepresentations of the facts. Such obligations must be taken seriously.

This letter puts you on notice that the information contained in the above-cited advertisement is false and misleading; therefore, you are obligated to refrain from airing this advertisement.


Caroline C. Hunter

What’s that word again? Hyp-, hypocri-, Republican! Yeah, that’s the ticket...

21 July 2003

The Start of the Shameless Pitch

I haven’t really talked about the financial aspects of this blog. Primarily because, well, there isn’t any for the web site per se. The Funny Farm is, first and foremost, an attempt to point out some of the stories out there that haven’t, um, caught the eye of the mainstream media. This has allowed Your Humble Narrator to get a better sense of the whole journalism gig, and a realization that there is more to it than one might think. It has also shown me that the Media Whore hacks who currently inhabit the paying positions are mostly incompetent, mainly bought and paid for, and stridently biased towards the elite in American society. With less than one percent of their resources, and a rudimentary knowledge of journalistic principles, a number of blogs out there have been able to do better than the millionaires currently propagandizing from within the mainstream media infotaiment news outlets.

Secondly, this is a non-profit venture. No money for maintaining blog space, or advanced software, or web space storage. Nada. Zip. Zero. I have no place to put any pretty pictures, so I have to link to pictures that are supported on other servers. And, were I capable of creating cool artwork, I would still have no place to put it!

Finally (for this post at least), I’m not looking to start a career as a writer (yes, I can hear the collective sigh of relief from both of my regular readers). I would like to be able to believe, in my own mind, that I could do it if I had to. And maybe someday I will. For now, I’m sure that both of you would be happy to correct my misconception if I were to be so bold as to think I am Koresh’s Gift to Journalism. And I have heard some feedback saying that I made somebody laugh at least once while reading this blog. So I already consider myself ahead of the game.

So, you’re asking yourself, what’s the shameless pitch all about? Well, I’ll tell you. I have a very nice banner up at the top of my page – where it will be all week. And I’d like to ask those of you out there with some spare cash to click on that banner, and sponsor the Funny Farm in this Saturday’s Blogathon. All donations go directly to the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund - no kickbacks to the Funny Farm, nothing personally gained by Your Humble Narrator (except that tingly feeling you get in your soul when you do something good). I have heard from some that they have tried to donate, but got lost in the confusion (cough). Well, all you have to do is click on the banner, sign up if you’re not already donating (they ask for your legal name, and an email address – and you have to create a user ID / password combination), and register an amount that you are pledging to donate to the Frank Zappa Memorial Fund. You will receive an email containing a link confirming your donation. Click on the link in the email, and you're done!

I never touch your donation – the folks at Blogathon have arranged it so that the sponsors deal directly with the sponsored charities.

So far, the Funny Farm will be raising $120 US for charity on Saturday. Can you find it in your heart to donate to the cause? Even five or ten dollars (and even in that funny Canadian money) would help.

Getting ready (finding stuff to write about, and banging it into shape so that I can post it on Saturday) will probably be occupying most of my time this week. Along with more shameless plugs, and some thanks for anyone pledging me this week. I’d also like to remind the viewing public to come visit during the festivities on Saturday.

Stay tuned – more to come as events develop...

20 July 2003


Not that I’m paranoid or anything, but...

I have sometimes felt that I am somewhat of a ‘luck’ charm. I generally have a lot of experiences which would come under the category of wildly improbable - or extremely lucky. Either it’s very good, or it’s very bad.

This is as close to being superstitious that I get. Hey, some people believe in an Invisible Cloud Being that has planned out everything in the history of the universe. I believe that I have more luck than the average bear. I am basing my flights of fancy on my personal experiences in life - as opposed to taking some beliefs on ‘faith’ (not to mention the religiously insane by name or anything [cough cough FalwellRobertsonAshcroftbinLaden cough cough]). And of course it is mainly tongue-in-cheek - although you could get some independent confirmation on the weirdness that goes on in my everyday life from those inhabiting the blast zone on a regular basis.

Anyways,... the reason I bring this up right now is that I have some concerns over some of the web sites that I have linked to over in the Funny Farm Links Zone. Some examples:

I recently linked to Hullabaloo. Since then I have seen exactly one update to his site.

Ann Slanders’ weblog, one of the original inspirations for the Funny Farm, is not operative any longer. You can get to the archives if you know what you’re doing, but when you click on the link, Blogspot tells you that this place does not exist. What’s up with that?

There was a whole section of the links zone devoted to junta parodies - Jesus’ General was the most prominent among them - that has withered on the vine. Hopefully the amazingly acidic host of that most excellent parody site will be starting up a grass roots movement which will help get Drinky McDumbAss and the God SquadTM out of the Oval Orifice.

These are only a few of the recent examples that make me feel like I am possibly somewhat of a curse to different web sites. I’d also like to add that I seem to blow out street lights on at least a semi-regular basis (three of them went out on Friday as I was traveling from Hazeltucky to this weekend’s secret guerilla blogging location in the North American midwest), and I seem to get more than my share of fortuitous circumstances (or utter shite) happening all at once. So there you go.

Hey, if 95% of the world can believe in God with no proof whatsoever, and not be considered to be out of their minds, why can’t I believe that I have more than the average amount of luck in my life?