The Original Funny Farm
Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats...
Adventures of a
Basic Force For Good in Our TimeTM
15 February 2003
To: All you long-haired hippie types, …scruffy, sandal-wearing, bearded people who go around burning the United States flag…
From: His Holiness, Supreme Court Chief Justice In Waiting, ‘Fat Tony’ Scalia
The selection of judges has become over-politicized because too many courts wrongly believe the Constitution should be reinterpreted to fit the times, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said Thursday.
It gets better…
14 February 2003
Late Breaking Update
I’m not going to be able to get to any of the big events tomorrow, but look here and see if there’s anything going on in your neck of the woods.
Thanks to clue for reminding me to remind you to protest the war tomorrow.
Like, I’ll be in the Great White North, eh? Maybe, like, I can get an eyewitness account, eh, from my friends in Tranna, eh? Like, if their vision isn’t, like, all blurry and stuff, eh, like from all the beers, eh, that they’ll, like, be quaffing, eh? Beauty!
Excuse me. Just practicing my accent. Talk to you again soon...
BartCop and Crimmins
All homage and honor to BartCop. I’m not worthy! He found this and showed it to the rest of us…
Just a guess here… but I can’t see Barry Crimmins getting an invite for the Lincoln bedroom sleepover anytime soon, after posting a message ending:
That said, you must give George W. Bush credit -- he is one of the most consistently scummy public figures in American history. This vapid, beady-eyed little man is living proof that the ultra-wealthy should get at least a few mansions down the street before mating.
By the way, has anyone found out how many soirees, and how much Drinky McDumbAss is charging guests, how many guests has he and/or the twins invitated for a night, and how the Lincoln Bedroom is being abused these days? Or is that information too sensitive to reveal to the public lest the
Good thing the girls are old enough to pay for the booze now. Sheesh – can you imagine Tipsy McStagger’s embarrassment when having to get all those party favors for Bar and Jen when you’re a ‘recovered’
If there is a God, then s/he’s a cruel and heartless bastard/bitch.
Oh yeah - my girlfriend’s in the ER tonight (Hi Sweetie!) but she was online pretty much all day – so I couldn’t talk to her. D’oh! See ya soon, luv! And Happy Frelling Valentine’s Day to the rest of you. I’m going to go watch FarScape…
Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow!
13 February 2003
CNN Lies is putting together a boycott of CNN. I hope he keeps watching and puts together an advertisers' list for these clowns. I'm hoping that BartCop Radio will be featuring this guy, Take Back the Media, and the Faux guys who damn well better come up with their own boycott! if they haven't already done so, when it finally gets on the air...
Your Humble Narrator of course will watch only a few things: The Daily Show, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, and FarScape. I have a much longer essay in the works about the evolution of TV viewing, so I won't say much more on the subject at this time. For now, you can all grok the kewl pic I found over at Denis website:
12 February 2003
A Spanking! A Spanking!
The best entertainer on the net today has to be the Ditto Monkey’s Worst Nightmare, BartCop. The guy hits the nail squarely so often – and it’s pretty funny when the hammer, as it occasionally does, swings a little bit out of control. And sometimes he misses things completely, and hits himself instead of what he was aiming for. But when that happens, Bart just laughs as hard as the rest of us about it, picks the hammer back up and starts pounding at the nails again.
Which brings me back to today’s title. Bart took the time to put a nice red-ass on a ditto monkey on a separate web page. And, by his count, Drinky McDumbAss and the God SquadTM have already taken out 6 of the first 10 amendments to the Constitution that are known as the Bill Of Rights. In just over 2 years.
Thanks, Bart, for showing us how it’s done. If you haven’t seen this, you should. If you already have, you should read it again!
Estrada is Being Filibustered.
Cracks develop in framework of White House. Field Marshal AssKKKroft declares martial law, saying "Everything is totally okay. Nothin' to see here, just move along..." Drinky McDumbAss declares he has hidden proof of filibusters' links to Al-Queda and Iraq - but he can't show us due to it being "nationality secular secret stuff".
They Distort. We Imbibe.
11 February 2003
Frothing Off at the Mouth
Before I put on the tinfoil hat, I’d like to ask you to look at uggabugga’s site and catch this gem in all its glory:
…and now, for something Completely Different…
I read the Daily Kos’s new feature called Cattle Call – he looks at the Democratic horse race and notes how the Conservative MediaTM is already starting to rip into the people who might be running for the White House n 2004. While they’re also distracting us from the piss-poor economy (what’s that word, again? …dep…Dep-resch…depresssion! Yeah, that’s the ticket!) by going into Orange AlertTM and sending people to the desert for 2003. I know this isn’t really news, but I can’t believe how nasty and small this whole sham is. It seems to me that Ellsworth Monkton Toohey is at the controls of the media these days. And he looks like an unholy amalgam of Rush ‘PigBoy’ Limbaugh (R-Lying Nazi Media Whore) and Ann ‘Thraxx’ Coulter (R- Lying Nazi Media Stepford Telebimbo) .
Anyways,… I wrote this in the comments section for the Catle Call this week:
Brilliant analysis as usual, Kos! I think I'd be sad if Lieberman or Gephart even gets to the finals in this race - they will slink to be powers behind the throne before all is over. I'm all for a 'bash Bush' bash in the primary, and a small 'd'emocratic campaign where we focus on the things the media is hiding, as well as the fact that the media is spinning.
But it's a tall order - especially when those whores are all out there spinning while it's going on. I wonder if they'll have the balls to get PigBoy to run the Dem convention media circus?
You're letting them define the game. Focus on the goal, and cutting through the media hype. Let them create a false 'test' of the candidates on a 'Super Tuesday' for you, and everyone knocks themselves out to pass it.
The Democrats need to get the best candidate out to present to the public. And to focus on getting us out of the huge mess Drinky McDumbAss has gotten us into. That’s it…
Some people claim that I am somewhat negative on my outlook of life from time to time. I prefer to look upon life’s adventures somewhat more realistically than most – especially with regards to the situation at the moment (whenever that moment may be).
I would like to point out that I would prefer all of the candidates (potential politicians) and representatives (currently employed as politicians) to focus on searching for solutions to the major crises currently confronting humanity today. We’re running out of room, and having problems taking care of ourselves. We’d finally progressed, in my humble opinion, to not beating each other to death on the playground. Over the last hundred years or so, on ever-frequent occasions, humanity has decided that, if we don’t absolutely agree with each other about everything all the time, we don’t have to kill each other because we don’t agree. It’s taken us a long time to get to that point. One of these days we might even learn, as societies, to stop tying each other’s shoelaces, stop trying to trip each other up as we trundle down the road, and start catching each other when we stumble. Or even take turns blazing trails…
And then the Supreme Clowns hand the keys to the Oval Orifice to Drinky McDumbAss and the God Squad. D'oh! D'OHHH! D'OOOOOHH! D'oh! D'oh? DDD'UH-OH! D'OOHHHHHHH! D'oHH! D'OoHhH! D'oh!
(sigh) At least we’re more than halfway done for this time around….
Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow!
10 February 2003
A Conservative Alert?!?!?
An open letter to: the Most Dangerous Minds on the Net
Greetings to all!
I used the astroturf generater over at Conservative Alerts to promote the Rush Limbaugh boycott, and even though I asked not to be included on their alerts, I seem to have received the plea attached below. Do the "mainstream" conservative groups want to oust the Boy Usurper as much as we do? Or is this all the liberals fault too? I'm confused here...
Note that, at the bottom, this email tells me, even though I specifically asked to be excluded from their alerts, that I have requested to be sent them. I suppose I should try and get excluded... one of these days. For now, it might be interesting to see what is going on over there.
I have sent a copy of this letter to Buzzflash, BartCop, MWO, TBTM, Michael Moore, and Overboard. I was going to add Aaron Brown and Wolf Blitzer to the email list, but I was pretty sure this wouldn't be considered a 'newsworthy' item to them. Maybe it's not really news to you, either, for all I know. But it seems like these people are almost as upset with pResident Moron as liberals are, if I'm not mistaken.
Any insights from the best on the Net?
(: Tom :)
----- Original Message ----- From:xxxxx Sent: Monday, February 10, 2003 7:50 PM Subject: Fwd: [ALERT] Keep Our Promise to America’s Military Retirees ----Original Message Follows---- From: “ConservativeAlerts.com” Reply-To: email@example.com To: Subject: [ALERT] Keep Our Promise to America’s Military Retirees Date: Mon, 10 Feb 2003 08:48:43 -0800 This CONSERVATIVE ALERT prepared for Your Name Here:
ISSUE: If there’s one group of Americans that deserves America’s best, it’s America’s finest: our veterans. But there’s a problem: many of them are getting “the shaft” from our government.
According to classact-lawsuit.com, on November 18, 2002, just one week after Veterans Day was observed and many government officials and politicians proclaimed their steadfast love of God, country and deepest respect and admiration for our military personnel, the retired military veterans of WWII and Korean War received word that they had been victims of one of the cruelest “bait-and-switches” in history.
At issue was the promise the government had made to them that their health care benefits would be guaranteed for life. Now that the bill has come due, the government has reneged on the promise and said it was not legally bound to honor the obligation. A federal court of appeals in Washington, DC declared that the federal government of the United States of America is right and could legally break its promise with its WWII and Korean War retired warriors.
Check out what happened on the days dedicated to the Military Community: on November 11th, while our elected politicians used these WWII and Korean Veterans as human props, government officials were in court, stripping them of their benefits. As officials waxed poetic over the “debt that was owed, and will never be repaid” to this greatest generation, the administration was contesting any legal obligations to honor its promise.
Military veterans, military retirees and men and women currently on active duty and in the Reserves are taking this shameful Federal Appeals Court decision as a personal insult. Many thousands are demanding that Senators and Congressional Representatives take legislative action to right this reprehensible act, in conjunction with taking their legal fight to the U.S. Supreme Court. Their voices are being heard in Congress, and you can join YOUR voice with them today.
ACTION ITEM: Two bills, H.R. 58 and S. 56, have been introduced in the new Congress as the “Keep Our Promise to America’s Military Retirees Act”. It is unthinkable that the U.S. Congress would select the WWII and Korean Vets as the group to lose military medical care at age 65. These are the Vets who won WWII and suffered so badly in Korea. Would Congress dare do this with ethnic or minority groups in today’s politically correct atmosphere? It’s not likely.
This breach of contract is pure political discrimination against America’s heroes. Go to our site below now to send a FREE, pre-written editable message to your Congressmen, asking them to support the “Keep Our Promise to America’s Military Retirees Act”: http://www.conservativealerts.com/021003.htm
NOTE: There will be a Rally in Washington, DC on Feb 12, 2003 on the steps of the U.S. Supreme Court in support of Military Retiree Medical Care Restoration. Be sure to forward this email to everyone you know that wants to help stop the blatant discrimination against military retirees. Thank you!
You are receiving this communication because you requested to be e-mailed regarding issues and offers of interest to conservatives, either when you sent an e-mail to Congress, signed an online petition, sent a FedEx, faxgram or mailgram, or when you donated to a conservative cause or candidate on the Internet or through postal mail. You are currently subscribed as: xxxxxx
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They were probably drunk at the time, but the little guy - who rarely shows up, but has outpaced most of the regulars at the bar tonight - finally stands up and says, "enough is enough…"
Belgium to block US Nato request. Does this mean they have to quit NATO now? Or will their Security privileges be revoked?
Or will they be getting anthrax in the mail soon from an overseas source?
The week has gotten off to an interesting start…
…and now, for something completely different…An Excerpt from an Inspiring Tome
This post inspired by the Annual Ursa Minor Alpha Recreational Illusions Institute Award for The Most Gratuitous Use of the Word ‘Belgium’ in a Serious Screenplay.
…In today’s modern Galaxy there is of course very little still held to be unspeakable. Many words and expressions which only a matter of decades ago were considered so distastefully explicit that, were they merely to be breathed in public, the perpetrator would be shunned, barred from polite society, and in extreme cases shot through the lungs, are now thought to be very healthy and proper, and their use in everyday speech and writing is seen as evidence of a well-adjusted, relaxed, and totally un****ed-up personality.
…But even though words like “joojooflop”, “swut”, and “turlingdrome” are now perfectly acceptable in common usage there is one word that is still beyond the pale. The concept it embodies is so revolting that the publication or broadcast of the word is utterly forbidden in all parts of the Galaxy except for use in Serious Screenplays. There is also, or was, one planet where they didn’t know what it meant, the stupid turlingdromes.
Life, The Universe, and Everything, excerpts from the end of Chapter 21
09 February 2003
White House Floats Idea of Dropping Income Tax.
pResident Tipsy McStagger, having already set off a firestorm over his proposals to
After all, two-thirds of the economy is driven by consumer consumption, right? But I thought we were already taxed on our consumption. Isn't that what sales tax (especially extra cigarette and gasoline taxes, along with fees and permits to be allowed to sell stuff to consumers) is all about?
...But many administration officials have made no secret of their fondness for fundamental tax overhaul, and the report today lays out a detailed rationale for a system that taxes spending rather than income.
Income taxes would hurt BFEE earnings, after all...
...Using a "lifetime" approach to income distribution, an idea embraced by Mr. Hubbard at the Council of Economic Advisers, the report cites studies showing that more than half of people followed over 10 years had moved into a different income bracket at the end of a decade.
..."Consumption taxes are generally less regressive when viewed from a lifetime perspective," the report declared. "A one-year snapshot of the distributional effects of many tax changes can be misleading."
...if Mr. Never-Worked-A-Day-In-His-Life succeeds in pushing through his current agenda, and wins re-election in 2004, the report could turn out to be a blueprint for his goals in a second presidential term.
Sweet Koresh on a crutch. The lunatics are in charge of the asylum...
House of Cards Comes a-Tumblin’ Down
Well, gang… It seems that the gloves have come off, and the
…How’s that for a scary thought – the BFEE has been restrained up until now. Come January, pResident Moron will try and paint the vision of raping this country in the name of the people. And that means no more candy and flowers, kiddies…
- (: Tom :), 2002/12/20
It turns out that we’re not even going to get a kiss goodnight, either!
Now that they no longer need the rule changes he enforced when he was head of the judiciary to slow down Clinton court appointments, Orrin Hatch wants to remove them. It seems that the rules that were used to prevent Clinton nominees from being appointed to the judiciary are being used by others to do the same thing to Drinky McDumbAss:
"I'll give great weight to negative blue slips, but you can't have one senator holding up, for instance, circuit nominees," said Hatch (R-Lying
Oh yeah, Hatch is also nominating multiple
You are probably wondering what all this has to do with the title of this post by now. Unless, of course, you know me personally… I will attempt to get there from here by informing all and sundry that I am a computer programmer cleverly disguised as an aspiring writer. I work writing things that function on computers. And that, my friends, is oh so much like building a house of cards…. In order to get programs to work: You have to put restrictions and conditions on what the person using your software can do. You have to get users to try and use the stuff properly. You have to make sure the plug doesn’t come out of the wall halfway through using the program, and no one spills coffee in the wrong place, or hits the wrong button, or… well, I hope you get the point.
I see a lot of situations right now that make me think our current global predicament is one big house of cards. Tough times for debt-heavy consumers in 2003. A ‘new and improved’ Patriot Act Too. Swaggering arrogance from Tipsy McStagger and the God Squad turns out to be unwise international behavior, as France and Germany decide to push their own plan for Iraqi disarmament without telling AmeriKKKa what they intend to do. That’s just the tip of the iceberg from my perspective. I could list out at least a half dozen more off of the top of my head.
What? More countries trying to hide things from the U.S.? Someone else besides the U.S. being rude and boorish on the international stage? Don’t you know by now: WE can hide stuff (especially from our own people – including your sorry-assed opinions about our behavior), but no one else can. WE can have WMD, but no one else can. WE can torture prisoners, renege on treaties currently in force, break our promises, proselytize with government funds, ignore the U.N. and the International Court, and basically do whatever the hell we want, but no one else can. Who cares what you think, anyway? Not the leaders of the Good ‘Ol U.S.A.!
And, of course, Homeland Security cries
How long can this go on? Hypocrisy and rudeness are now primary survival instincts? Orwellian government and fanatical fundamentalist theocracy in an unholy alliance is the New Social Order? How many times can ShrubCo keep banging the table before the house of cards falls apart?
And, dammit, it all has to happen now, when football season is over. Talk about your bad timing in marketing …