And Now, I Shall Taunt You Another Time
This one goes out to my good friend Ann Slanders. Since (s)he has obviously been swamped with situational problems in the real world, which have caused her/him to slow down her/his blogging activity from its' former frenetic (cough) pace, it falls to others to pick up the slack. In that spirit, here's a parody of an earlier essay by the real Ann Thraxx Coulter. In her original essay, (s)he froths at the mouth about the Beltway Snipers, and how the fact that they were Muslims wasn’t emphasized enough. Or something like that. Analyzing an Ann Thraxx essay is like trying to pick up a handkerchief that has been repeatedly ground in the mud, and trying to figure out what it originally looked like. There might be some sort of sense buried somewhere in the words. But, besides the fact that most of the infotainment (cough) (cough) in her bilge consists of conjecture extrapolated to an absurd degree, outright fabrication, and ad nauseum ad hominem, there’s the fact that most of her content is slanderous and, by her own standards, treasonous to the ideals of the original Founding Fathers.
By the way, writing this parody was amazingly easy. Having the French to write unsubstantiated drivel with no need to research facts, or even concern myself with the reality of the situation, is awesome! No wonder the Stepford Telebimbo is so good at it. It requires no intelligence to speak of. But I feel really dirty, for some strange reason. Anyways,. . . here we go*:
Conservative Media Christian Makeovers! by Ami Slanderous After all the speculation about Eric Rudolph, the Christian terrorist living in our midst, at last we have some incontrovertible facts. He is a fundamentalist Christian belonging to the Christian Identity cult. He has been a member of the militant Christian terrorists among us since, presumably, his conception – since, in his twisted logic, that is when he became a human being. He hid in plain sight, in his home town, a stronghold of the Naturally, therefore, the militant Christians in the Injustice Department have decided not to publicize one of their own being caught. Rumor has it that Rudolph helped pen the more vicious essays by Ann Coulter, a noted Republican dissembler. Thus, the deafening silence heard from Field Marshal Ashcroft on this issue. Ashcroft is now asking for increased powers, so that he can pre-emptively execute anyone who dares to bring this issue into the light of day again. To review recent events, during the last Olympics held on American soil, a Christian terrorist detonated a bomb in Atlanta's Centennial Olympic Park, killing one woman and injuring 100 other innocent bystanders. Eric probably thinks that she should have been in the kitchen, where she belongs - if so, then she wouldn't have died. Following this outrage, Rudolph then proceeded to bomb a nightclub, and a medical clinic, killing at least two others. After being ignored for five years, he was mistaken for a burglar in this model of the small Klannish redneck town. Had the officer been one of those who takes the law into their own hands, and believes in the One True Faith, quite possibly this manhunt would still be the sham of an investigation it has laughingly been referred to for so long. The One True Faith has also been active in various states in the Union, executing innocents wrongly accused in the name of 'an eye for an eye'. Not to be outdone, Johnny and the Injustices are now asking for the ability to execute at a federal level without having to go through all the bother of a trial, in Jesus' Name, Amen! Inasmuch as the nation recently declared War on Terrorism, you might think that it would be of passing interest that a whack job like this has been supported by other Christian terrorists, or that the presence of such an insidious fifth column within the Republican Party is controlling the national political landscape. But you need a Free Republic translation matrix to figure out that TERRORIST Eric Rudolph is a Christian. The main clue is the FReepers' insistence that the beliefs of the Christian Identity are not responsible for this murderous killing spree. Wrestling with the incompatibility of the One True Faith condoning cold-blooded murder, the FReepers have rushed to profess belief in a vicious lie - that Eric Rudolph was justified in taking others' lives. In their twisted world view, someone killing others because of their misinterpretation of Biblical references is praiseworthy behavior. The above-mentioned Ann Coulter even professed an admiration for Rudolph and his soul-brother, Timothy McVeigh, saying 'they're just doing what their conscience instructed them to do', adding that she 'was not analyzing their beliefs'. Their beliefs? They're Christians. That's their belief and their reason for living. It may be time to update the FBI and CIA manuals by adding 'Christian Crusaders' Syndrome' to the list of terrorist behavior traits. In addition to mind-numbing silence on the Christian terrorists among us and their unobtrusive support by the administration, the media have also decided that if you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all. Pretty much the way they treat the cabal running this noble country into the ground. Of course, it will be difficult to shine the light of truth here, when the ruling elite of this country scramble to protect one of their own. I would try and cite examples of dissembling by the media, but no one seems to want to touch this story. One fervent Rudolph idolater has even started a campaign to raise money for this murderer's legal costs. Maybe they can get him some fervent fertile followers, so that his insanity can be passed on, and unleashed on the next generation as well as this one. After years of theory that this crazed madman was acting alone - based on misleading and ignorant propaganda - aren't we entitled to a little theorizing about Rudolph's Republican backing? There is surely more evidence that he was endorsed by the God-Fearing Christians than that he abandoned Christianity before blowing innocents to Kingdom Come. Emerging as the leading purveyor of hypocrisy, lies, and elitism, the Republicans have also suppressed the information that the terrorists who sent anthrax via the United States Postal Service targeted Democrats only. I note again: America claims to be at war with terrorists. But in a shameful example of duplicity, the Republicans refer to this mass murderer as a Christian Warrior who was just doing what God told him to do. One searches in vain for a clear statement that the anthrax mailings were yet another outreach program of the One True Faith. The only hint that Rudolph is a Republican was the administration's dismissive answers to questions on this subject. When asked, shortly before Rudolph's accidental capture, why American born anthrax terrorists were not pursued with the diligence that was deserving of the situation, Field Marshal Ashcroft declined to answer. Busting potheads in California, people who want to die with dignity in Oregon, and prostitutes in New Orleans, Louisiana, blue states all, occupies more of the Field Marshal's attention than the attempted murder of Democrats. Republicans know fear mongering when they cause it. In one of the strangest attempts to justify terrorizing the American public in Christianity's name, the Republicans have apparently embraced militant right wing hate groups and their agendas. (Militant right wing hate groups have gotten such a bad name recently!) Instead, one hears only about the evil Hitlery Klintoon and the 'lies' she is 'ghost writing' in her latest book. (How about: The Christians who helped Rudolph stay alive in violation of the law.) After assuring America that we have nothing to fear from the Christian terrorists running our government, Our Selected Leader sums up the prevailing attitude by saying 'Either you're with the terrorists, or you're with us'. Sounds like the frying pan or the fire to me. Perhaps pResident Shrubbery should go whole hog and start describing Eric Rudolph as a member of 'the insipid Muslim race' whose name is really 'Saddam Hussien'. |
*Any and all resemblance to the real world and/or the pithy, trite ‘journalism’ exhibited by Ann Thraxx Coulter in the infotainment piece ‘Media Muslim Makeovers!’ is purely
