31 May 2003

Required Reading

Jesse over at pandagon has been made an offer he has chosen to refuse. He has just about the best set of reasons for his choice that a person could ask for.

[Note: We’re really happy to bring you yet another example of as much mixed metaphorical allegory, innuendo, and hearsay as can reasonably be constructed without wasting (cough) too much of our precious (cough) (cough) time.]

We here at the Funny Farm commend him on his, in our opinion, wise decision to step away from the entrance to that big bucket of crabs that is the corpo-weasel world of the next few years. The sharks have eaten all the chum, kids, and now they are almost all that is left. And the eternal dance of this type of corporate behavior is now one of the few notes still being sounded in the corridors of power. Pretty soon they’ll be getting down to ten chiefs per indian around my shop. Once enough chiefs have secured their golden parachutes and gotten the hell out of Dodge, that is.

(cough) (cough)

It is also the fervent hope that somehow bunches of fervent anti-PigBoy legions decide to contribute to our noble cause over at the Rush Limbaugh Show transcript mirror sites by signing up to work on the Liberal Manhattan Project. Won’t you take a look and try and decipher what the hell I’m talking about?

30 May 2003

The Final Days of Independent Media

Well, June the Second is almost upon us. Future historians will point to that date as a turning point in this civilization. Does anyone out there think that Michael Powell will listen to anyone about the subject of media consolidation? When he was picked specifically for his ability to forge ahead, without thought or concern of the consequences of this action?

Well, if you think he will consider our well being over those of his corporate masters, if you have believed Pencil Dick and the Boy Usurper have been acting in our best interests over their corpo-weasel masters, I hate to say I told you so – but I told you so. Actually, in this case, I don’t hate to say I told you so. I almost feel the need to say it over and over again. Because some of those who have always felt that way sadly seem convinced that they are still in the right on these matters. And still shrilly bleat out those Ditto Monkey trash talking points to anyone in their circles of influence.

Tom Toles sums it up quite nicely for us here at the Funny Farm:
The perils of media consolidation

And Amp has managed to give us a wondrous ‘toon as well. Glad to see those technical difficulties have resolved themselves!

The perils of media consolidation

Have a happy weekend all! Possible random guerilla blogging may take place from undisclosed locations in the North American midwest. Ciao fer now, babies!

28 May 2003

Cartoon Wednesday

It looks like Amp is still having problems over at Alas, A Blog, at least as far as I can ascertain. A new comic is usually up there every Wednesday. Not to worry! Even though we are not able to create much of our own pictorial content, because, well, there’s no place to put it on the Net, I can still point to certain things that are out there right now. Which is why, gentle reader, I cannot show you any of the wondrous pictures I have collected over the last few years. I can’t show you any of the many others I have collected over time, because I’ve lost far more than I still have in one of my collections.

I have plans in place to actually store some pictures on a server so that I could show them to you on my very own bandwidth. More on that to be told to you as plans come to fruition.

In the meantime, here’s some cool cartoons I managed to find out on the Web (that aren’t in premium sites like Salon or anything like that):

Iraq War Memorial

Iraq War Memorial

Iraq War Memorial Too

Domestic Strategery

Gitmo House – the New Reality Show

27 May 2003

A Note From My Baby

Some people never ever get to hear somebody say this kind of stuff to them:

I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you. Your understanding that if I express old hurts, it doesn't mean that I want that old life back, its just that I have unresolved issues. That if I feel like something may be too overwhelming, you understand and don't get upset if I decide not to do it. That I may not always be the nicest person to be around, so you give me my space without me really asking for it and you understand that I need that and so do you. That I totally feel that I can tell you anything and you're not afraid to disagree with me...and its not the end of the world. That you haven't agreed with some of the decisions I've made, but you've kept it to yourself because you realize that I’m my own person and Ill do what I think I need to do anyway....:) That I can call you anytime and u listen to me...that means more to me than you could know. That you value me as a person and my opinion matters to you. That we can argue and it doesn’t mean we don't love each other.

I Love You

Thanks, Baby!

I would suggest that the rest of you out there within reach of this missive should think about how you could appreciate the good in those around you a little more, and then go do it!

Time for the Daily Show. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow!

A tip of the stein full of homebrew to my good friend Snoot, The Greatest Goalie You Never Heard Of. He sent me this joke recently:

To: The Funny Farm
From: Snoot

Re: My Wife's Mood Swings

Lately, I have not been happy with my wife's mood swings. In an attempt to stay ahead of the game I bought her a mood ring so that I would be able to monitor her ups and downs.

And the results are in: When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on my forehead.

Thanks for the joke, Dude! Say hi to Gayle and the Rugrats for me...

A Small Desire

It’s a daydream of mine, that one day, the vile PigBoy, Rush Limbaugh, will have nothing but hostile callers – that somehow those hordes of ditto monkeys would all have their brains reach down to their larynxes and strangle them, so that El Chupa Cabra could not get softball phone calls lobbed at him all day, and be reduced to even more of a gibbering idiot by the second half of his program.

Just let me savor it for another moment. Ahh – that’s better.

Unfortunately, that day has not yet occurred in this reality. But I can dream, can’t I?

Wednesday, April 23, 2003 was definitely not that day. I know because I just posted the transcript of the bile coming from the Lying Nazi Whore during that day. You can check it out over at Pigsqueal, if you have the stomach.

Today's Neal Pollack:

Iran So Far Away -- 5/27/2003

At last, the Bush Administration has woken up to realize that the real threat to our national security isn't Al-Queda, or Iraq, or Syria. Our true enemy, our natural rival for dominion over the Middle East, is Iran. In case you were too busy "enjoying" yourself this weekend, let me recap. The United States has cut all diplomatic ties with the Iranian government and is engaging in various subversive activities to attempt to destabilize the country. Our allies in this quest are a highly trustworthy group of gentlemen called The People's Mujahedeen. Don't be skeptical. In the past, when our country's faced trouble, The People's Mujahedeen have always come to our aid. Isn't it about time we returned the favor?

The Saudi Arabia bombings a couple of weeks ago were horrible, the works of conscienceless killers. The only logical response to those attacks? Pin the blame on a sovereign foreign government and do everything we can to get that government out of power. It worked in Afghanistan, and it worked in Iraq. We deposed their governments using bunker-buster bombs. Sure enough, there's no more terrorism.

Wait. OK, so there's still terrorism. But now we know, thanks to the highly trustworthy People's Mujahedeen, that most terrorism comes from Iran. The People's Mujahedeen should know, because the Bush Administration has classified them as a terrorist group. To get rid of terrorism, we must hire terrorists to fight the terrorists, which makes plenty of sense. It requires a leap of logic so small that I don't feel the leap even needs to be taken. If we use terrorists to help us get rid of Iran, or at least its government, then there will be no more terrorism, this time guaranteed.

Let's assume the inevitable. Iran is toast. There's still the important matter of deciding how to prepare that toast, which, as you know, goes well with both butter and jam. Or both. Or neither. Today, as President Bush meets with his Council Of Elders to decide the fate of Iran, it's a good time for us to review our options.

1. We could bomb Iran.

2. We could wait a few weeks, and then bomb Iran.

3. We could embroil the world in a sham five-month melodrama, present sketchy, even false, evidence of Iran's nuclear capabilities before the United Nations, set impossible-to-meet deadlines, bully all dissenters into submission, and then bomb Iran.

4. We could invade Iran while we're bombing it.

5. We could invade Syria while we're bombing Iran.

6. We could, technically, invade Iran while we're bombing Syria.

7. We could admit that our prosecution of the War On Terror has veered horribly out of control and reduce our military presence in the Middle East while still working with international police, spies, and possibly even assassins to knock out key Al-Queda leaders.

I like all the scenarios except for number seven, which was proposed by a liberal reader with whom I'm trying to sleep. But it doesn't really matter which scenario plays out. We win. We always win. Draw your curtains, Tehran! She's gonna blow!

26 May 2003

News From Babylon

All thanks and praise to Ann Slanders for showing me the way to this most excellent site. The incendiary leftist headline, and its (meaning between the lines), courtesy of the Funny Farm:

US (General Floats) Plans ( For Turning Gitmo Into A) Death Camp. Some highlights:

THE US has floated plans to turn Guantanamo Bay into a death camp, with its own death row and execution chamber.

Prisoners would be tried, convicted and executed without leaving its boundaries, without a jury and without right of appeal, The Mail on Sunday newspaper reported yesterday.

The plans were revealed by Major-General Geoffrey Miller, who is in charge of 680 suspects from 43 countries, including two Australians.

- Snip –

The Mail on Sunday reported the move is seen as logical by the US, which has been attacked worldwide for breaching the Geneva Convention on prisoners of war since it established the camp at a naval base to hold alleged terrorists from Afghanistan.

- Snip –

"This camp was created to execute people. The administration has no interest in long-term prison sentences for people it regards as hard-core terrorists."

Britain admitted it had been kept in the dark about the plans.

A Downing St spokesman said: "The US Government is well aware of the British Government's position on the death penalty."

Once again, the article is way too short. And this has not yet been confirmed by a separate source, so it’s still definitely in tinfoil helmet country. But, a BFEE operative US General calmly revealing this sort of thing, er, excuse me, floating plans for, turning Gitmo into Auschwitz? Where exactly will Doc Meng’s medical research facility be in the plans?

Is anybody else scared yet? I guess you wouldn't be, if you were one of the Three MillionTM, right?

25 May 2003

Sunday Funny

Before the Sunday morning adult cartoon shows – you know, Meet the Whore Press, Red Ass Face the Nation, Whores This Week with Two Face George Stephanapoxonyall – begin the mainstream media spin this day, feast your eyes on this week’s Doonesbury :

The Latest in Family Assault Vehicles!